I Finally Found Someone

Yes. Never before. Never ever in the history of my diary (or even my life) have I said what I am about to say, but…here goes: I’ve found the person I am meant to spend the rest of forever with, God willing, and provided she continues to feel the same.

We know this is forever. And sometimes that thought shocks even me, or makes even me laugh. I never imagined a real forever. I only ever imagined the dreamlike kind that seemed so far out of my reach I never had to truly consider the reality of forever.  But here we are…here she is, in my life and I’ve only ever felt so sure about so few other things!

It’s so absolutely balanced. A balanced, requited love that I didn’t think I would find after enduring one relationship fiasco after another. I may have started my dating journey fairly late (at 22), but I had made up for lost time. I’ve not had very many sexual partners. I can count them on my hand (and maybe using a finger or two from my other hand), but I dated…boy did I date! JoeCool, Smiles, Fishman, ODWhore (kinda, sorta), El Salsero, The Phantom, DramaQueen/Tsunami, Dirty Surfer, SingerLover, The Serbian…the list goes on, but those are the more serious of my relationship stories. And this is it….we come to the end of my journey with faith and the support of God and those around us, but Sunshine (formerly known as LaLa) is my dream come true.

We share our lives in a way that I knew existed between lovers, but never imagined would find its way into my life.  We’ve been friends for a while now, but decided to expose our feelings for one another, which went beyond friendship, all of two months ago.  On Easter Sunday, while visiting my family for the first time in Connecticut, she broke her hand playing volleyball. This of course brought us that much closer to one another as I was able to prove my unyielding loyalty and support to her. We’ve been inseparable since, whilst still maintaining the lives we have that are outside of one another (separate activities, separate churches, separate jobs, etc.)  I reiterate, there is such a lovely balanced dance that happens and I love every second of it.  We move in with one another come July. Moving in was something we had planned before our romantic feelings took flight. When our feelings were revealed, we put the idea on the back burner for fear of ruining a good thing. Only recently (because I need the help paying my rent due to unforeseen circumstances) have we reconsidered the notion and signed the lease last week!  Neither of us has any doubts about it what-so-ever.

Her drinking has been curbed significantly. Nothing is perfect, and her habits certainly are not, but she has never been the kind of alcoholic whose mood becomes aggressive, emotional, or overbearing. She, contrary to any alcoholism I have been witness to in the past, becomes more joyful.  Otherwise, her work, and ability to remain independent do not suffer. She is highly functional. I suppose we can call her more of a drunk than an alcoholic, and even that is stretching it.  Now, that is not to say there isn’t work to be done. Her drinking worries me only for health reasons and we work on that every day. We agree to disagree. I maintain she has a problem, she maintains she does not. We both understand where the other is coming from, but will not fold in our understanding of the concerns at hand.  So we talk about it a lot and make sure to come to common grounds that keep us both satisfied (for now or forever…whichever comes first lol).

As for my professional life….that TOO has taken flight! Being so utterly inspired by her dedication to her work and the career path she blazed (in a male dominated field mind you), I was inspired every day to go into work with a smile, a focus, and a sense of motivation.  I applied for a program within my company and out of 1000 applications, 150 of those were selected to go through a 5 phase interviewing process that took place over the course of an entire week+  Out of 150, they slowly cut down after each phase leaving 15 of us lucky folks to train to become the next Store Leaders!!!! I am one of the 10% selected.  My desire to enter this program was to be able to keep moving forward, to secure full-time work, and to learn as much as possible since this was a sort of paid internship as it was described.  Turns out…the three months I spend struggling financially, working harder than I’ve worked in my entire life, and staying focused, energetic and cheery paid off in ways I never could have imagined, felt I was owed, but am so utterly grateful for! The position I have secured as a part of the program will pay MORE THAN the job I lost in September.  I did it. I made it through the dark period, with an understanding that God was only seeing me to the kinds of trials and tribulations that he was going to see me through and that would teach me a well learned lesson. I am humbled all over again and come September…ready to work hard!!! As of now, I’m still a part time specialist at the store and soaking up all that I can until its time to head on over to Greenwich, Ct.

Yes, Greenwich, Ct. is the bittersweet part. I am super grateful for the job, the salary, the experience, the opportunity, the vote of confidence from my superiors who chose me for the program…but the travel is going to be a lot to commit to. Nevertheless, I’ve committed to staying put since I am not interested in moving…again. I have moved an average of once a year for the last 4 years of my life. Especially that I don’t want to uproot this relationship and challenge the love I’ve found.  So….2 1/2 hours each way until I can drive it, and then 45-60 minutes when i do get a set of wheels! I can handle this and much more. I learned that this year.

So, my life takes shape again in a way that makes me so very grateful every single morning.  I never forgot to thank God for the air I breathed, even when I felt like I was gasping.  There is a lesson and a reason for everything we live through. I lived through these last 9 months and I’m stronger now because of it.

Much Love Always To All My Readers,
The Hard-Working & Deserving Rose