Srecan Rodendan!

Translation: Happy Birthday! in Serbian

Oh there is just so much to fill you all in on, provided I still have followers.

I am one happy girl. Happy in a way that has not existed since my first ever relationship when I was 21 going on 22. Here I am, 28 going on 29. If you do the math as I just did while typing that, that is 7 whole years.

Oh what being comfortable and trusting towards someone can do for the romantic spirit.

The Serbian whom I discussed in previous entries stuck it out. He waited patiently, accepting that I had seemingly decided all we would ever be was good friends. His patience, coupled with his ability to give so selflessly without expecting anything in return is what finally propelled me into the state I am currently in – the Happy State! 🙂

I won’t quite call him my boyfriend yet, as he has not asked me where things are headed. I think he is hesitant because of how quickly such conversation with him would turn me off in the past, but I’m in such a different place. I’ve learned through time that nothing is perfect and if perfection is what I seek then I will lead a pretty lonely life aside from the friendships I have (which not one would I deem is perfect). What he and I share is workable, and beyond that it is special and fun, and loving and healthy! Healthy is the most important to me right now in this juncture of my life after straying so far from the path I always expected to lead with too many unhealthy relationships.

It took 8 months for me to finally see inside of him someone I could share a great portion of my life with. Forever is no longer in my vocabulary when it regards relationships. That is the cynic that still resides inside of me speaking. The more faithful, hopeful side of me doesn’t rule out that the word can resurface in my daily use of the english language. I had made it clear to myself, and then to him that I needed time to healthily get over The Phantom (the ex). That took me well over a year, but I was patient with myself and as it turns out, The Serbian was patient with me. Thus, here is where we are…in a good place as far as I can tell.

I got over The Phantom in the most healthy way possible. I had a few slip up’s seeing him maybe 2x inappropriately over the course of a year + and engaging in inappropriate conversations that I now realize weren’t going to solve anything or move us in any other direction than the one we were headed.  I knew then, as I know now that I could not give something to The Serbian that I still did not have possession of – my heart. I have it now, it’s all mine and it’s all in tact again aside from the scratches and scars that have healed so well with the help of God, my faith, my friends, myself! I also learned that I never had trust issues, I had people issues…or rather, The Phantom issues. He was the root of my trust issues, of this I am 100% certain. His evasive nature, his lies, his tales, his inability to really say what he was feeling and be honest about his emotions is what led to my mistrust in him. I am in a relationship where I am trusting the man with every bit of myself. I don’t question how he feels, because he makes it all very clear to me. This trust leads to the level of comfortability we share which is amazing. I haven’t been happier with someone in so very long.

So, here is to this lasting, because I don’t know our future. The only thing I do not trust is that I am enough for him to want to build the rest of his life in NYC where I intend to stay (for the most part). That is a decision only to be decided upon with time and growing in affection for one another, but what I can say is that I’m willing to take the leap. I am willing to take a chance on having my heart broken again, if that should happen, or even better, having it mended by someone so deserving of the light my heart knows how to shine!

Much Love Always To All My Readers,

The Hopeful Rose

P.S. Today is his birthday, and I have a romantic birthday/thank you for helping me move dinner outing planned! Oh yes, I’ve moved, into a glorious apartment with 2 1/2 bedrooms. My new challenge is making my rent which is $500 more than it was, but still doable. I have sacraficed multiple vacations throughout the year for better living arrangements and I beam every time I walk into my new apartment. I simply love it.