A Hopeful Retard

Alright folks, step on up and take a look into the new unromantic happenings in the life of yours truly, The Rose.

Jibby, still a thing of my past. More now than ever before since he’s begun dating a new character that for some reason goes by the name of Belle. And so she shall remain named, although it’s not exactly the name I’d say is most suitable for her. I’ve seen photos and she’s not exactly a "Belle" to me. Just plain ol’ Anne really, but hey, the chica has done nothing to me directly (just indirectly) and so there will be no bashing her in this diary.

Let’s get you up to speed.

In September, my 13 year old nephew and I discussed attemping a trip to Orlando Florida to use the Universal tickets that I had originally purchased for Jibby and I to go and check out The Wizarding World of Harry Potter (Indeed a Potter fan, thanks to Jibby).  Needless to say, the tickets had still gone un-used and it was now September. They would expire and be rendered useless by December 29th of 2010.  After my failed attempt to take my mom back in May, I decided to try with my nephew. See, I had a conference to go to in Georgia, so I convinced my mom that for my birthday I wanted her to purchase her airline tickets as my gift to accompany me on this trip. We had a blast together for four days at the Marriot Marquis in Georgia, paid for by my job. Then she and I flew for another four days to Orlando. Upon the first day, we attempted SeaWorld and though she was complimentary, it didn’t seem like moms kind of deal. I almost killed her when I dragged her on the new Manta rollercoaster. I swore she was going to die by way of a heart attack. I realized at that moment, taking her to Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure was probably not the best idea and the rest of our Orlando trip was just about exploring I-drive. We fought a bit, over her excessive need to shop and find "discounts," but it was still a memorable trip nonetheless. I digress.

So I told my nephew I would make good on my promise to take him and I did. I looked into the cost and decided that Halloween weekend would be our deal since Universal Studios is well known for their Halloween Horror Nights. In an e-mail I provided his mother (who is not married to my brother, they’ve been separated since he was 3) with all the details. I specifically mentioned to her that she would have to give me a definite answer and then I would make the purchase because nothing was refundable since I was going through Expedia. She said yes, I booked.

Fast forward now to two days before we fly out. For the month leading up to the trip, I found it odd that my nephews mother did not want me to share the trip with him or tell him anything about it. She wanted it to be a surprise and I thought: ‘well ain’t it my surprise if I want it to be that!’ Long story short, leaving out her lies and deception, she pulled him out of the trip a day before I was to fly out. I was devastated, SillyGoose (my sister-in-law) and brother could only mutter an "I told you so" because they had tried to warn me, but I was so set on staying true to my word with my nephew about taking him that I was willing to risk it all and I did. She’s never known to flake out on me before when I’ve asked to have him for a weekend trip or pick him up for the day. Granted with no car she makes me go around the world to get him, but I do it because he’s worth it! I took a chance, and I lost. At the end of the day money is just paper and that wasn’t what bothered me. I was distraught that I’d built up so much excitement about this trip with him and it was taken away from us. I still don’t know today if he knew anything about my plans and how much I’d spent. To let you all know, we are talking 1k worth of travel expenses (not including spending my money on food when we arrived).

So there I stood, it was last minute, I was hurt, I was sad and in attempts to get some momentary satisfaction, Jibby (whom I was still remaining friends with) was called upon for lunch since I happened to be 10 minutes from him.  In hindsight, a part of me was probably hoping that after I told him the story, he’d step up to the plate and hop a flight to Orlando with me for what was originally supposed to be our trip anyway. No such luck, and that futile attempt at hope only further emphasized the end of any potential friendship. The false sense of hope only caused an argument to ensue, the details of which I shall spare you all.

HOWEVER, there was a reason for my senseless hope (though I really don’t think it is justified no matter what) and that reason is: he was in my bed just two weeks before this entire incident, insisting that even if there was someone else in the picture, he would prefer to have sex with me. Needless to say, sex did not happen, but we held each other, fooled with the idea, kissed and etc. Then two weeks go by and nothing. That was all fine by me, but something felt different in his approach with me the days following, and so in the car heading back to my place from lunch, I simply said "What’s her name?" and he spilled it all.  Anne. Plain old Anne.  Older, Shri-lankan, and has a young boy about 7-9 years old. Classic!

He kept emphasizing the idea that they were "just talking."  He evidently met her and began "talking" two weeks before he was laying in my bed naked with me.  He felt the need to tell me several times, "I’m in a weird place," and made certain comments about needing me and wanting to be around me when he recently got news of his brothers wife’s infidelity which took him for a loop.

Yes, he always needs me when things aren’t quite picture perfect in his life. Nope. It wasn’t happening this time. So, at the end of it all he insinuated to go into my apartment because it was raining and my response was "It’s not raining in your car. Would you like to go back in there?" You see, there is no way that I would entertain the idea of inviting him into my place when there is now a third unsuspecting party involved. I draw the line there. And so that was the last we’ve seen each other and I’m very happy with that decision except he has my laptop and I miss it dearly.

Fast foward again:

Two weeks later, Jibby finally returned my laptop. We sat in a Starbucks coffee while I rebooted my hard drive (something I’ve done before when I first purchased the laptop and could very well have done on my own). He stayed with me to reboot the hard drive for the entire 5 hours. We talked, we smiled, I got snippy a few times. It was such a great time for me doing the most simple of things there is…sitting…over coffee…talking.  I’m not even going to prolong this part of the story…the long and short of it is that I MUST MOVE ON. The guy doesn’t want me and I need to stop questioning his reasons for certain things such as: Why did he stay for 5 hrs with me? Why did he buy me the hard drive and for the first time ever actually purchased something for ME? Why did he take the laptop back to put music and The West Wing (my FAVORITE) onto it? His  actions make no sense to me, but I feel that the thing they’ve screamed the most over the course of these three years is: I don’t want a relationship with you, because if I did, we’d have one.

The end.

p.s. Guess who I went to Orlando Universal Studios with?!?! Tsunami aka The Queen! It’s high time I go back to calling her what she was named as my friend before she was the girlfriend who cheated on me repeatedly, DramaQueen. She and I have been friends for a long time now, I just very rarely speak of her. It took some time. it also took some effort. There were uncomfortable moments, but she went through being engaged to a man in Iraq, to married, soon to be divorced (all with the same guy). We’re way past our days of being in a relationship other than friends.  To be discussed some other time.

Happy Gobble, Gobble Day!

Much Love To All My Readers,
The Retardedly Hopeful Rose