Jibby No More

No more Jibby.

I didn’t necessarily have to lead with that, but I did choose to.  I could have led with my move, or the fact that I’m on day 2 of my quitting smoking, but no…I led with him.

Jibby is now my ex. It was very nice while it lasted.  There were many firsts with him, but too many components missing.  He was the first guy to pleasure me in a way I’d never been pleasured before (except for The Queen – but she was female).  He was the first guy to prove to me that those stereotypes of men do exist.  The ones who don’t know what they want, so they string you along, don’t express their feelings, make you feel unsure about yourself, give you minimal information, and then when you break up with them and don’t give them the time of day, they come knocking on your door.  Yeah, he was definitely that typical male stereotype that I thought I’d dodged.

So i’m perfectly okay with the way things transpired.  He wasn’t meant for me.  There were too many things I continued to give unto him which went beyond dinners, gifts, my time, and my attention.  There was too little he was willing to do for me. In the end we both admitted to prematurely saying those 3 precious words: I love you.  Neither of us could have possibly meant it.

He was a great guy, otherwise I wouldn’t have had such an issue with breaking up with him and his not allowing me into his life the right way. As great and gorgeous as he might have been, there were too many empty spaces of the things that he could have and should have been doing. It wasn’t that he was incapable either. I’m sure he was quite aware of how to be a good boyfriend, he just fell so short all the time and probably because I just wasn’t that girl – the one that inspires a man to be the best he can be. Now, that’s not to say I was down on myself what-so-ever about it.  Oh no! Quite the contrary.  I know the wonderful girl I am!  I can give you lists of my attributes, and I’m also not afraid to couple it with a list of my vices, but I just wasn’t the girl to inspire him.  We shared a lot of laughter. We shared quiet moments at home in front of countless West Wing episodes. We have memories of a handful of dates (if that many), but I was definitely holding myself back from the kind of relationship I can blossom in when I continued to be with him, because what I didn’t share with him was trust. I couldn’t trust him with my heart.  I was giving too much, with too little in return.  So for that I made the healthy, yet difficult, decision to cut the line; I did so, hopefully with no hard feelings. I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone, prove a point, or make a statement. I was simply doing the best thing for me. If he wasn’t ready for an amazing woman – an equally amazing relationship – then I needed to find someone who was. So 2009 found me single, hopeful, and eager.

Although, recently he was playing the lingering game.  He was looming over my life as though keeping me from any opportunities that may surface so that IF and when he was ready to take on something serious, I’d be "available." Therefore, I asked him to back away for good. He didn’t respect that request right away, but I think in the end (especially considering his pride), he will stay away. Just like with The Queen, I need my time to rid my heart and soul of anything Jibby-like. If after I’m complete with that process, he’d like to take a stab at a friendship…I’m all for it.  I’m confident things will work out fine considering that this was the healthiest break-up I’ve endured.

Look at The Queen and I! She’s in a relationship where she feels she is completely and utterly in love with the guy and I’m actually happy for her. We were able to rekindle the beginnings of a friendship. It’s still a work in progress, but it’s amazing to me that we are even at this point.  I turn to her for advice, and sometimes it is vice versa. If you refer to entries written around this time last year…you would NEVER have thought it possible.

I’m nicely situated in my new apartment which belonged to my dad that passed recently.  I feel very safe there. It’s as though he makes sure that even the darkest of corners have light on them. He’s watching and guiding me. I love the apartment despite the fact that a lot of work still remains.  It is mostly my kitches and hallway area that need to be finished. I’ll get there. I’m waiting to start dating a handy man lol.

Speaking of dating, I’ve done quite a bit of that once again.  And they’ve all been men. I’m not against being with a woman, I love them, but it’s not easy to date a woman when you’re not a full out lesbian.  I’m bisexual, but clearly I just find dating men easier.

I met this one man. To follow is our story….

Much Love To All My Readers,
The Updated Rose.