I Question The Validity Of Such Validation

Gloomy weather. As eerie as it may seem, it is probably my favorite kind of weather. I’ve tried to think of reasons as to why this might be the case, but I don’t really ever get that far.  I happen to take pleasure in a dim, gray-scaled sky. The hoary tones give off dreariness and while some may find that depressing, I find it gives me the illusion of hope. Maybe it’s because I know that the clouds will fade away, and soon after comes a brightly lit sky.  I guess to capture what a gloomy day does for me, I can use the following quote: One must endure the bad, in order to recognize and appreciate what is good.

This weekend I was given a sense of validation from someone who rarely likes to dote over anyone besides herself.  I mean, she’ll give credit where credit is due, but one really has to earn it before she offers any sort of recognition.  I think such a quality is admirable and honorable because if a compliment should escape the thoughts of such an individual, one would not have to question the credibility of it.  It has been earned.

I finally learned what significance I had in her life. I was given confirmation of what I was worth to her.  Granted it still was not enough to prevent her from risking and losing everything we shared, but it was enough to make me feel as though I really was (even if for a short while), her "significant" other.

She spoke words of beauty to me. She gave me comfort in knowing that it was not all in vain.  She reminded me that I loved, and I loved for all the right reasons. I didn’t love her because I needed a crutch to stand on.  I stand on my own two feet quite well.  I didn’t love her because I had no other to love.  I would rather not love at all if it were out of convenience that I were loving someone in the first place. I didn’t love her because she showered me with gifts. That just didn’t happen.  I didn’t love her because it was easy. Nothing about us was ever easy, not even the fact that we were two females; and I didn’t love her because I thought I needed her. I needed her because I knew I loved her.

Our story is a sad one however. I’ve learned that love doesn’t write off an unhappy ending.  It doesn’t even have the power to eliminate pain from the story.  I’ve learned that instead, love is a prelude to the pain, but sometimes it can co-exist as the cure.  In our story, the ending is cheerless, and the love not strong enough to have been a cure.  My love for her was not profound enough to heal her past scars and seal them shut.  Her love for me was not sufficient to convince me that the pain she caused me could be overcome. But I’ll tell you a secret.  We still can hang on to the hope that our love is in fact infinite.  There’s still a chance that our love is limitless and only time can test that theory.  This thought pulls me through to the next day.  Because each day that I continue to love her, despite not being with her is more experimental proof.  And if such is not the case for her, then so be it.  I’ve loved in all the right ways.

"I walk out of this darkness with no sense of regret.  And I go with a clear conscience. We both know you can’t say that." – Kelly Clarkson

I loved you so.
It was time to let go.

Much Love Always To All My Readers,
The Validated Rose.