and so it goes…
move went well. And I have to say, despite myself amid the stress and the missing and the odds and ends that come with moving your whole world around to a brand new place – it was fun. There were moments that I’ll always remember and hold onto, to know that I did this – no matter where it leads, or for how long, or the ups and downs that come with such things – I did this big, gigantic thing – this leap of faith – with the help of a few friends, some drinking, laughter, blood and lots of sweat – and some tears too. I did it. Me. The one that’s always been afraid, always hesitant, always wondering and scared and paranoid about unpredictable outcomes. Yeah, that was me
My moment of joy today came with a text from Devon – actually she ass-dialed me first – to say she was on dry land and back in the country – in the state even. But, unfortunately, my prediction came true, and she’s at home headed for an early night of sleeping. We have plans to see each other tomorrow after my meeting – will be late, but hopefully work out. I talked to her for a bit tonight – told her about the move, she told me about trip. And I think I may have made a mistake and opened my big mouth when I shouldn’t have about a lingering nagging feeling about this whole wedding biz – her best friend’s wedding. I’m not going…it was decided months ago, before Devon and I were this serious, before we knew where this was going. I’m dog sitting the bride and groom’s dogs actually. And there was some talk about how some people in her family are uncomfortable around gay people, etc. It didn’t really bother me until this weekend when I was telling that story to my friends who were helping with the move…I kind of found it humorous at first…then it started bothering me. Just a little. Not upsetting as much as minorly frustrating. But I opened my big mouth about it, and although she insists she’s glad I told her, that it DOES suck, and I have a right to feel hurt (do I feel hurt? I don’t even know) but it probably wasn’t the right time. she was right though – we do talk about these things as they happen, instead of letting them fester, letting them grow into resentments no matter how minor. I’m glad I told her, mostly – just a small little part of me thinks that I either shouldn’t have – or shouldn’t have now. I don’t know. I’ll guess we’ll see what comes of that, if anything. It’s already set, not like anything’s going to change – and she said it kind of bothers her too…but it was as much her decision as her best friend’s…so. Yeah. There’s that.
work was okay, for a Monday until about 3….from there it kind of sucked. funny that. meeting tomorrow.
Feels like I should have something to say, but I feel very alone right now….isolated…in unfamiliar surroundings, even though every box is unpacked, and I’m surrounded with my things. Someone else was supposed to be here right now, and it’s becoming clear to me that they’re not. I think that’s what I was waiting for in order for this to start to feel like home. Tomorrow, it is.