Tequila, Photographs and Boarderlines

It’s funny, but the whole situation a week ago that almost became an almost-fight was a complete non-issue, and got cancelled due to lack of interest. I’m taking it as a lesson on going with the flow; not everything happens the way you fear it will or dread it to and sometimes you just need to let things play out and go with the flow. There’s a lot of lessons to be learned in that, I think – especially for me. Sometimes I over think things, and find problems in things where they don’t really matter – it happens. It’s part of picking your battles, doing what you truly feel and think, and also the importance of sharing your feelings, fears and concerns in a positive and healthy way. I have been reminded again that emotions are not good or bad, in the traditional sense. They are just emotions, and you really can’t control them. You have them regardless. It’s about how you deal with and react to those emotions, finding constructive ways to communicate them, rather than letting them fester. I think it’s all about not letting frustration or resentment grow – not giving it a chance to develop, to nip it in the bud.

So on Saturday, our tequila night (not so much the games, but sort of a movie) was, I think, a success, even though it was not at all what me or Devon pictured. Instead of the 6-10 people we were expecting, it was only 2, plus Devon and myself – and one of those two didn’t drink. But, I think it was perfect for what it was. Neither Leighann or Ashley showed up, so the conversation ranged from politics, to reality to lots of other things that I don’t think would have happened had they made an appearance. It was the two of us, then Toni from work, who I’ve started a friendship with, and Aimee, my friend from 10 minutes away who I rarely see because of scheduling conflicts. We ran the gambit of conversation, had margaritas and shots of tequila, talked and laughed a lot – sort of half watched Bridesmaids. it was a good time – lasted for about 5 hours, so I think that’s a sign of success. I had a good time.

Sunday was a day of much needed rest. Even though Devon got up around 7:30 for an hour or so, she came back to bed eventually (and I never made it up early) and we slept in, tangled around each other until after 11. The rest of the day was pretty chill – I took her out to dinner at Grillsmith’s for a nice, early date night. Then we came home and snuggled and watched tv until bedtime. Next weekend, we’re discussing going to Sea World or someplace fun, just to get away for a bit from the every day world. She also spent most of yesterday arranging photographs in frames and instructed me on where and how to frame them – which consists of me hanging them, moving them up or down or to the side about two inches, then moving them back.

My medication was switched over the weekend. For a few months now, I had been taking Celexa for anxiety/depression, but a very low dosage. But even though I was eating healthier and exercising more and cut out regular soda completely (I now drink coke zero, or diet orange something, or even Dr Pepper 10) I was still gaining weight and not losing it, which is a side effect of a lot of those kinds of drugs. So the doctor switched me to a higher dose of Zoloft (to make up for only having one inhibitor instead of two). Today I feel okay…it’s two days in, and I was told to expect a short time of adjustment. It’s amazing how much a very low dose of medication can help me. It could be mostly a placebo effect, however – it does stable me out a bit. I don’t have the constant highs or extreme lows, but I think the medicine is just the extra boost I need to be on a level playing field of emotion with everyone else. I was loathe to be on any kind of medicine for a long time due to past experiences, but this so far isn’t so bad. It’s nipped a lot of my ocd and co-dependent tendencies in the bud and has given me an even field to stand on. I’m starting to feel for the first time like I’m “normal” if that’s the correct way to phrase it.

In other news, one of my friends was fired today and the circumstances around it seem a bit fishy.

I’ve been experimenting with cooking lately – doing on or two special things a week, just to try new foods, try cooking new foods and seeing how they work out. It’s encouraging me to cook more and go out less, which is healthier all around. Tonight’s contribution is pork chops and apple sauce, with some potato pancakes as a side dish. Last week I was very ambitious and made sirloin, scallops and couscous with a Beurr Blanc sauce. It came out perfectly, so I’m happy with that. The week before that, I made chicken parm for the first time, as well as Devon’s favorite chicken I make – stuffed with marsala sauce.

It’s definitely a Monday, but I’m looking forward to see how the rest of the week progresses. I did my taxes today, and while I screwed up last year when I took the money out of my 401k, so I had to pay tax on that now, at least I’m still getting money back – enough to put the down payment on the new car insurance I’m going to have to get to meet my new requirements on the lease without costing me a ton of money every month like my current policy would. It’s still going to be more expensive due to the accident, but I’m confident that I can handle it. I’m a little stressed out with the slow start to the wedding fund – I may have to use my savings account for it as well. But I am relatively sure that we’ll be able to pull it off. We may have to compromise on some aspects of what we want to make it more feasible, but we can face that as it comes. I have nothing but high hopes for the future, and can’t wait to see what it brings.

Have a good week!