Very, veeeerrrrry long time….

Well!

Helloooooooo, everyone who stopped reading my diary 2 and a half years ago!!!! I’m baaaaaackkkk! And this time for good…..I have a LOT to write about!

So….brief synopsis. I’m now 31, living in a lovely 4 bedroomed house in Herne Bay, Kent (10 minutes drive from my parents). William, born August 2006, is now 4; Sophie, born September 2008, is now 2. They are both gorgeous, amazing children. I went back to work in April this year after 4 years at home, teaching 2 days a week, but have found it very hard, and have been longing to be a stay at home mum again……and now…..

I appear to be……(whisper it)…..pregnant.

Oh yes.

With number 3!!!!!

I am in shock. I can’t process the information. Seriously. But 3 faint but positive tests are lying on my dressing table upstairs. I’m barely 4 weeks, so it’s very, very early days.

I mean, it was bound to happen sooner or later. We’ve been lax with contraception since June this year. I’ve had a massive yearning to be pregnant for months, that has been getting stronger daily.

But now I actually am……I’m freaking out, just a little.

Can I be a good mum of 3? I know I’m a good mum, but…..are William & Sophie going to have less attention with a new baby around? Will they get resentful? Am I being unfair on them?

We have enough money, room, clothes, and baby things (I kept all the clothes!) to have another baby…..but we’ll need another car. Mike and I were saying recently about how our life is getting back on track now William & Sophie are older…..and now we’re going right back to the baby stage.

I feel so confused. A mixture of……happy, excited, scared, anxious, panicky….and extremely nervous. Oh, and a bit sick too.

The thing is…..I always follow my heart, not my head. My head said: no more children; you have a boy & a girl, leave it there & build on your teaching career. But my heart said daily: get pregnant again. Have another baby. And that little voice got too loud to ignore in the end.

So.

I am so, so tired. And I have work tomorrow. Teaching 30 four year olds will probably allow me no time to reflect on my little secret – which may be a good thing – my head is spinning and I need some normality for a day or 2, to allow it all to sink in …………

Good night dear friends xxx