:-(
Thank you SO much to all the noters who wrote such supportive notes after my last entry. I haven’t got back to everyone yet but I will!
I don’t feel like I’m coping very well with everything. The ironic thing is, everyone thinks I’m taking motherhood in my stride and doing a great job. Last night my breasts became engorged and I developed a fever. This morning the fever got worse and I also had chills. Nurofen helped enormously, but I had to go to the doctor, who diagnosed mastitis. 
I’m on antibiotics for the next week. I’m still breastfeeding (with the shield) but it’s painful and I dread feeding times.
I have so many worries, I feel swamped. I’m trying to get a sense of perspective but I can’t. I keep on crying / feeling weepy.
I worry about my supply drying up (it’s changed since I got mastitis).
I worry that he’s not getting enough milk.
I worry that the pain I get when he’s sucking means he’s not latched on to the shield properly. And that will affect my supply.
I worry that getting upset frequently will dry me up.
I love him so, so much, it’s overwhelming. I just want him to be healthy and happy. But right now, all I want to do is run away. I think this must be my hormones. Will it get better? It has to, for my own sanity.
This so isn’t like me. Anyone who’s read my diary for a while knows I’m a happy person 99% of the time. What the hell has happened?!
lots of love, a not-very-happycookie xxxxxxxxxx
It will get better with time – your hormones will start to even out soon. And if the breastfeeding doesnt end up working out, you will know that you tried your best. Good luck!
Warning Comment
sorry about the infection. Try not to worry about breastfeeding so much, if he is gaining weight (they said he was), then he is getting plenty. Plus, i think he would let you know if he wasnt! lol. Your horomones will even out in time, you just gave birth, give your body a little while to adjust 🙂
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My son is nearly 4 wks old and i am having major trouble breast feeding as well. I totally feel guilty about not being able to breast feed him and yesterday i balled my eyes out when he had his first formula bottle. I blame the media – there is such a stigma on mothers who formula feed. I used to look down on them as well untill i found out how hard it is to breastfeed. Goodluck
Warning Comment
Maybe give yourself a break from breastfeeding…after all it cant be helping your mastitis. Your hormones are all over the place my love, they will calm down soon. You’re trying so hard hun, please dont be beating yourself up over this. Im sure little William is happy and healthy and why not because he has a wonderful mother there who wants only the best for him. *hugs*
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awww, sweetie….I remember how painful breast feeding can be at first. I never got mastitis, but both my nipples were sore to the point that they were bleeding, but once we had both mastered the skills we needed, it worked like a dream, and we loved it!! I fed my second baby until she was 10 months old. Hope you feel better soon, so you can enjoy this experience!! ~hugs~
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It does get better, the first 2-3 months are the hardest, and i think alot of the pain your feeling from BF is from the infection, so once that is all healed up it will be alot better for you. Make sure you are taking time to care for yourself, make sure your etaing, showering and sleeping as much as you can. ask for help from people if you can to make sure your needs get met.
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