Short Story: Confuzzelment

By William Forbes

“BOBDAMNIT!”

That was the cry from the small office. Obviously, something had gone wrong. Which may have been a bit of an understatement. When it was followed by the sight of the door literally flying across the room, that observation was confirmed.

“When I get my hands on that oily little idiot, I’ll force a broomstick straight through him and slow roast him. Anyone fancy slow roasted politician for dinner tonight?”

Jaim sat at his desk, head in hands, counting under his breath. The Magical Restriction Legislation Act. While not actually making magic illegal, it made things so difficult that it may as well be.
They had, of course, been assured that there was no chance of the law passing. This government, they had been reliably informed, is not in the process of passing legislation making it impossible for legitimate businesses to continue their trade. The magic industry brought many benefits to the community and the country as a whole. That would not be allowed to be disrupted.

“Jaim?” His boss was stood right beside his desk. Jaim looked up and stopped counting. He had reached 12. “You were the chief lobbyist on this one. Find out what went wrong.”

Jaim got up and left the office. Great, why couldn’t this be given to the investigative lot?

As Jaim approached the governing building, he felt unexpectedly nervous. As the chief lobbyist on behalf of MagCorp he had visited this place many many times before. So why was he so worried?

As he entered the building he was approached by the official Top Person in the government. The two men shook hands.

“Top Person, what happened? How did the legislation pass?” Jaim enquired.

“Really can’t tell you. We ordered all our people to vote against, the other parties were, by and large, against it as well. Then, when the call for the vote came, there were a few people on our side of the room, and the other side was so full there wasn’t enough room for them all.”

“Did you notice anything unusual about the gate side area?”

“Actually, yes,” came the reply. “There was a strange smell.”

“And were most of the people who voted against big office holders.”

“Well, with one or two exceptions they all held a big office post.”

Jaim pondered this for a second. “Could you take me there?”

As the two men walked through the building, Jaims mind was working. Definitely had to be magic. All ministers in the big office positions were treated so that magic had no effect on them. This was a simple measure to make sure that they could not be unduly influenced.

The people were calling for all politicians to be so treated, a call that MagCorp backed. They were worried about people using magic in an underhanded way and casting dispersions on the magic community at large.

They stopped beside the Voting Gates. Two huge, cast iron gates over the entrances to the main debate hall. The word ‘Yup’ was beautifully inscribed across the top of one with ‘Nope’ across the top of the other. The process was simple. When it was time for the debate to be over and the votes to be cast, a large gong was struck and the ceiling of the hall lowered. The members of the hall then left through a door in the back and made their way to the gates. They either walked through the Yup or Nope gate to indicate their vote on the issue at hand. Once fully through the gate, there was no changing of minds. The gate would not let you back through and an invisible barrier separated the two sides of the hall itself.

Jaim sniffed the air. There was still a trace of something there. He followed the weakening scent to a shelf behind the Yup gate. There was a small bowl containing a dry powder, aquamarine in colour. He lifted it up, and took a sniff of the powder before tasting it. It was definitely a confuzzeling spell, with just the merest hint of something else.

“Definitely magic?” asked the Top Bloke.

Jaim smiled. “Oh yes! I’ll need to take this away for examining. We’ll have a report for you in the morning.”

The Top Bloke let out a relieved sigh. “So, I’ll be able to call the result invalid due to outside influence?”

“Yup.”

“Thank Bob for that. Don’t want you lot trying to jinx me.”

Jaim looked at the Top Bloke with a shark like grin on his face. “Would
now be a good time to talk to you about the Politician Magical Protection act?”

Back at the office and the results were in. Tracing who originated any particular spell is easy. When the spell is made, an ownership mark is put in place. This is not due to any rule except that of nature. Most magical organisations keep a database of these marks. This makes it easier to discover when a magical being has gone rogue, or just when someone messed up a spell. It also helps to locate new magical beings and arrange their training and prevents magical beings from being affected by their own spells.

But this was surprising. The perpetrator was Qitor Badang. Widely expected to be a great magical being when in training, he stunned everyone when, after graduation, he completely shunned the magical world and lived normally. He had not appeared on the magical radar since.
Sighing, Jaim connected to the magibase and the relevant information scrolled through his brain. There it was, the address he needed. He got up and walked out of the office. He had already been instructed to deal with this one personally. He had let the investigative team know where he was going anyway, just in case.

As he approached the house, he was still struggling to work out why this was happening. There was nothing on the magibase that indicated why Qitor had decided to do this, and everything about him was on the magibase.

Just as Jaim was about to knock on the door, it swung open, revealing to Jaim a perfectly empty hallway and, beyond that, an empty kitchen. Just then a male voice, deep and slightly booming, made him jump.

“Hello there. I’ve been expecting you. Why don’t you come on up?”

Jaim tentatively entered the house and climbed the stairs. He looked round at the three closed doors. Suddenly, the one on front of him opened.

And there sat Qitor, mixing something in a bowl. “Come on in. I’m just preparing a little something.”

“Another confuzzeling spell with a hint of obey?”

“Yes, young Jaim. Cos I’m going to use the same spell twice in a row. What can I say, I’m just that stupid.”

“So, why did you do it?”

Qitor stopped mixing the spell and leaned back. “Do you remember the first bit of magic you ever performed?”

Jaim knew it was a daft question. Every magical being remembered that. “Yes, it was a simple invisibility potion my dad had taught me.”

“Well, mine teleported my mother somewhere. As I didn’t know what I was doing, I’m not sure where. I’ve been looking for her ever since.”

“So why help the bill to pass?” Jaim asked. “Surely it would make your life more difficult.”

“I’ve discovered that although I have a lot of ability, I don’t have all the skills I need to find her and get her back. I’ll need the help of others for that.”

Jaim quickly caught on. “Ahhh. So by helping the bill pass, you can drive our kind underground and get the help you need better?”

“No. The purpose wasn’t to get the bill to pass. I agree with you, the bill is bad news for all magical beings. All I needed was for it to pass once, then the help I need would come to me.”

“You mean…”

“Why do you think that daddy dearest sent you to confront me rather than someone from investigations?” Qitor smiled. “And I didn’t lie to you earlier when I said this is not the same spell as before. This one is an obey spell with a side order of confuzzelment.”

Qitor lifted the bowl to his mouth and muttered a few words. He then threw his head back, and a small flame detached from the overhead light and gently floated down into the bowl, setting the powder alight. He then looked at Jaim.

“Remember, breathe deeply…”

In honour of International Pixel-Stained Technopeasant Day