today I am mad at my husband
Today I got really angry at John. We had yet another flood in the basement and he isn’t here to help me. The plumbing from the downstairs basement pipe broke (a bracket broke) and sprayed water all over when Dale was taking a shower.
I get mad at him because I had to move and touch all the boxes with his stuff in it. I had to see his tools and hobbies downstairs in the storage. I get mad at him because I am left to deal with all this stuff on my own. I am a single parent working full time with medical problems and still have to deal with the stress of managing the household. I didn’t ask for these circumstances. Yet he chose to end his own life and leave me with all this responsibility. Just check out. Just be done with it all. And I don’t have a choice. I have to continue moving on with my life taking one day at a time.
It is all so overwhelming sometimes. I have to winterize the camper, change the furnace filter, put away the lawn mower, take care of the fountain from the pond and stuff out of the garden. It just goes on and on. Plus laundry, groceries, bills etc. and parenting, school, sports etc.
I am ready to have a big strong man to lean on. I need someone in my life to be there for me. I have been without John for 16 months now. None of the guys that i have dated so far have been relationship material. One thing about dating when you are 43….you don’t waste time on the ones that you know aren’t going to work out. And you don’t settle. And you don’t overlook stuff.
Well I had to get this off my shoulders. I just couldn’t keep it in any longer.
I love John forever and ever. I forgive him. He didn’t know what he was doing. He wasn’t well. I know he is resting in peace. I just still get mad sometimes for leaving me and the kids in this situation.
I thought of you today as I listened to a Rascal Flatts song I hadn’t heard before (it’s called “Why”). Is there a local group for widows and widowers? I wonder if that would be a good way to meet a fellow who might have an understanding of what you’ve been through, and how to be there for you.
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Your thoughts and feelings are completely normal!! I know how hard it has to be for you, by yourself with the kids; young people. (((Susan))) I also agree with you about not messing around with men whom you KNOW are NOT going to be a plausable choice for a “relationship.” I pray God sends you the right man, soon, and you will find so much comfort and help in him, and a relationship. Love & BighUgz,
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It is the cruelest most thoughtless thing a person can ever do. I’m glad you can let out your anger here. This is what this place is for and I’m happy that you have done this. Your feelings are normal and you need to realize that they are. Good for you for getting them OUT – you need to kiss THEM goodbye. You are very very strong and I am so sorry this has happened to you. Hugs,
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I admire you for being able to do all that you do. Not many people would be able to be that strong. (((hugs)))
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(((hUGS)))
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I feel the same way about my husband’s MS. It’s not his fault that he’s sick and I never take it out on him but it really pisses me off how this disease is slowly taking him away from me and especially the kids and there’s nothing I can do about it. At the same time, I’m grateful I still have him in my life. I pray God brings the perfect man into your life. (((hugs)))
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It’s been over 6 yrs since Fred died. No, he didn’t take his own life but he also wouldn’t go to a doctor. I still get angry at him, even after all this time. I’m told that is normal and I’m sure it is normal. Hang in there kiddo. I finally resigned to asking for help with certain chores. I just can’t do it all by myself. I also get Jacob to help at things too. That turned out better than expectedas he feels proud of himself when he helps. It is OK to require the kids to pitch in to help. Really, they need to be included in the family healing and this will help, even if they whine about it. Think of you often. God bless
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all I can say is ((hugs))
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Thought of you and miss you. Hope you are doing ok.
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