Not getting attached to this one

All the young ones grew up (childhood friends, daughter, cousins, niece, and nephew,) and are now indifferent to me. Why would I expect it to be different with my step grand-daughter when she grows up? I’m simply not allowing my heart to love her too much. Like, what’s the point? Do you think I love investing so much of myself in these little souls, only to get shit on in the end and have my heart broken to bits?

If something happens to my husband, there’s no chance his kids and I will keep in touch beyond the settling of the legal stuff. They are civil to me, and always have been, but they’ve never embraced me as their father’s wife. Get-togethers are so awkward. If I outlive my husband, then I lose his grand-kids by default. As far as I can see, that’s two good reasons for me to not get attached to this sweet little girl, and one good reason to confirm that I’m really not looking forward to all the babysitting we’re supposed to be doing when the baby’s mom returns to work next month.

Pathetic bitch that I am, I cannot live for today and "in the moment" because I know everything, good and bad, eventually comes to an end. Just give me my food and a dark room. That is the only happiness I know.