More fumes polluting my head
Yesterday was a really good day for me for a change, in spite of my incessant feelings of being too fat and ugly, etc. But could I be so lucky as to actually have just one whole day of feeling half okay? No, of course not. By 5pm I was saying the Serenity Prayer over and over and over again in my head, trying to prevent myself from "getting the rope" or taking a bunch of pills with a bottle of vodka. As you can see, the Serenity Prayer works because here I am to live another day.
Today I’ve actually taken the bull by the horns and have done something productive, something I’ve been meaning to do for at least two years. I e-mailed an experienced Wills and Estate lawyer in my city, and should hopefully have an appointment for a consultation very soon. After yesterday’s fiasco, I realize this can’t be postponed any longer, these very personal and sensitive family matters pertaining to dying and money.
I want to die before my dad does, but that would mean that a certain someone would inherit a sizable fortune (at least to that certain someone it’s sizable,) and over my dead body I’m going to allow that to happen. This is a very tricky matter indeed. I seriously don’t think I have any say in where MY inheritance goes (my dad’s estate) if I’m dead before I’ve even inherited it. Poor, unsuspecting lawyer is going to know he’s dealing with a bonafide mental case once my lips start flapping, hahaha!
I know that outliving my dad would solve all my problems. I’m not really "sick" by the real definition of the word, so I very well could live to be 100+ because some of my family have done just that. If I were to outlive my dad, I’d be able to inherit his estate and get a proper will done up to specify my wishes, and THEN I could pass away in peace, knowing his money is safe from "someone" who doesn’t have a clue how to manage small, insignificant amounts of the green stuff, let alone the larger sums of it.
Another thing that would solve all my problems would be if I could just stop all this wanting to die bullshit. That would be the normal thing to do I suppose. *SIGH*