12/12/2009

Justin moved out today. Some of his stuff is still scattered throughout my house, and the room he was staying in is trashed. But I’m just thrilled that he moved out. I’m debating cleaning up the room today so I can get it set up as an office first thing tomorrow morning. I can’t decide if I have enough energy or not, though. I suppose eating would help with that. I haven’t eaten hardly anything today.

I went to the movies with Josh’s sister, Alisha. We saw the Blind Side. Very good movie. Very touching.

I was nearly in tears as I walked out of the theater from the movie. But then my heart jumped into my throat as I saw a man walk out in front of me wearing ACU’s. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to collapse to the ground and bawl or throw my arms around him in hopes that it’d feel like I was hugging Josh. I just focused on breathing and we walked out, directly behind him, and muttered a soft "Thank You" as he held the door open for me. -sigh-

I came home and made up a quick batch of cornbread to eat with my left over chili. And then gave Josh a call. Talking to him didn’t make me feel any better. I never let him know if I’m having a hard time. I never sound anything but happy when I’m on the phone with him.
Mostly because he has it so much harder than I do over there. I don’t want his conversations with me to be anything but lighthearted and fun. But it’s hard to keep it that way sometimes when he sounds so down, like he did tonight.

So, instead of feeling better after talking to him… I feel worse.
I should just go to bed and call it a night.