09/08/2009
- The superviser came back from maternity leave today. -sigh of relief- Thank goodness for restoring order among the kennel of Winnebago County Animal Services.
- … But today was pretty damn crazy. It’s no wonder I’m not really gaining weight. I have no time to eat! I started work at 6:30am and took my "lunch" at 2:30pm. I get 30 minutes for lunch and I leave at 3:00pm. Only reason I took a lunch was because my superviser made me. I had so much to do, I really shouldn’t have taken a lunch. Oh wells. I still left on time, but it left my co-workers with stuff I didn’t finish.
- Gabriel is turning into such a big boy. He’s not nearly as difficult as he had been over the last few months.
- I’d like to ship Xavier away for a few months until he gets over this disagreeable two year old phase.
- Mason likes country music. He was rockin’ out in the belly to Randy Houser – Boots On.
- I’ve been talking to Josh quite a bit since he’s been in Afghanistan. And last night I was pretty mean.
I still harbor so much anger and resentment towards him. And fear. Fear that if I get comfortable things will crumble again. And I end up lashing out at him. And saying things that would make him feel like any effort he is making isn’t enough. i.e. making comments about how it’s easy to text/call another girl as much as it is me, easy to screw around with another girl there when he did it here, making snarky comments about things he did here, etc. And although all those things could be true, they certainly aren’t contributing to things moving forward. I’m finding it really difficult to let my anger and fear go, in order to let things move past this point. I’m too worried about whether or not he’s being honest, if he’s being faithful, if he is just pretending to want to make things work and if he’s just hanging on to me and the kids so he has something to come home to next year. - And then, the other half of the time I miss him like crazy. It’s such a roller coaster of emotions. And I just want off.
- My grandmother has gone down hill terribly and is going into an assisted living home. She’s started wandering around town, not knowing where she is in her own home, getting really scared when she’s alone, etc. She was diagnosed with alzheimers and now it’s just a matter of time before she’s gone. I can’t believe this. =(