08/24/2009
I am just plain tired. Physically, mentally and emotionally. I’m 31 weeks pregnant and I’m really feeling it. I still don’t understand why anyone would ever choose to have a c-section. The majority of my pain is coming from scar tissue from my c-section incision. And my c-section was nearly four years ago! Mason is entirely too crazy for his own good. He does some serious acrobratic flip-type things. He better knock that crap off pretty soon because he’s just plain ole’ running outta room.
Things with Josh are… I don’t know. He’s still putting quite a bit of effort forth. I’m being a downright, cold hearted bitch right now. I am so angry. And so hurt. And scared. And unsure. And it all comes out as me being a cold hearted bitch to him. There’s been a few conversations where I’ve outright ripped him a new asshole, and he’s taken it all in stride with an amazing amount of patience and understanding. I think I’ve finally come to the point where I’ve realised I need to just knock my crap off, and either move forward or move on. It’s not him holding things back at this point, now. It’s me. And it’s all because I’m angry that he didn’t do what I wanted him to do, when I wanted him to do it. (Try to make things work with me.) I am worried about other things, but those things can be dealt with a long the way.
He’s supposed to leave for Afghanistan very soon. So, I need to talk to him about things while I have the chance to have these conversations with him. I don’t think communication will be very good for a while when he gets to Afghanistan, from the sounds of it. And I really don’t want him to have to deal with this crap when he’s in a war zone. -shrugs-
Despite my being incredibly angry with/at him the last week, I started his first care package. I asked him if he was wanting me to send him anything in particular, and all he could tell me was, "Swiss rolls, starcrunches, brownies w/ walnuts and zebra cakes." LOL Seriously. So, my first care package is themed, "I love you like a fat kid loves cake." It’s all decorated, I just need to get all the goodies when I do my grocery shopping this week. And I’ll probably send it out a few days after I know he leaves U.S. soil, so that he gets it shortly after arriving there.
This is my only day off this week. I’ve been mandated for overtime the rest of the week. -eye roll- Nice on my pay check though, I guess.