No Promotion

Dear Diary:
My boss has finally put in his retirement papers, though he has not announced his final day yet.  It also appears that he has chosen an assistant supervisor to take his job when he leaves. I’m quite disappointed that I was not chosen and I feel that I can do an excellent job. Considering all the problems that my boss and I have had, it is not surprising that he didn’t pick me if the decision was his. The person that he did pick is a good guy and I’m sure he will do well. I wish him the best and have no ill will against him.

This first half of the semester we are doing Mental Heatlh Nursing. As I’ve gone through this program, I’ve noticed some things in my behavior to make me wonder about my own mental state. No. I’m not crazy, though some might argue that I am.  I think that I’ve been suffering from depression, secondary to major life events that compounded and I had no real time to grieve.

2009 – major cancer surgery – lost my bladder and prostate.
2010 – my father decides to stop all treatment and passes away.
2011 – twice they tried to outsource my department and I was concerned about losing my job.
2012 – started nursing school and the stress that goes along with that.

The signs and symptoms…

– presenteeism at work – Yup. I’m here but don’t expect me to do a lot.
– loss of interest in many things that I used to really enjoy.
– feelings of sadness that don’t go away, though I do have a good day here and there but not many.
– angry at times and snapping at the kids and wife.
– putting off doing things such as paying bills, getting the car fixed, etc.
– struggling to do well in school. Not because I can’t do it, but because my mind is struggling to do what needs to be done.
– Have had no interest in seeing friends or family.

I thought that I might have had a glimpse of some change in my mindset recently but the being passed over for promotion has pushed me back down again. This feeling just sucks and I really want it to go away.