Horrible

Just another Friday again at doing nothing.  This is getting to the point were I am getting tired ot the depression.  How many medications can I take and finally feel better.  Yesterday we had our Thanksgiving Dinner just J and the kids.  We were invited to go over to my cousins house but I wasnt in the mood neither was J since he dislikes them.  But I didnt push him to go over there since I didnt feel like getting out of the house.  I am disappointed with myself.  I have let myself go really bad.  To the point were I dont fix myself and when I do I want to cry cause of how much weight I have gained.

I love Christmas alot but just cant get myself to go out there and do any shopping because I hate I feel people are just staring at myself.  Sometimes I feel like telling people what are you all looking at.  LOL I would get myself in alot of trouble. 

In other news we bought a Husky a couple weeks ago and man she is so pretty.  They named her Sinatra so we just kept that name.  Shes a handfull. 

I woke up this morning with some cold sores, and fever.  I had the worst dream ever, it was kind of crazy about me stabbing someone.  I was young, it just kind of was crazy.  I told J he said probably cause of all the meds. I am taking it makes me have these weird dreams.

Have you ever want to write a book?  I feel my life could be a novel if I ever wrote a book I know that it would be about my life and it would make alot of women cry at some points. Sometimes I want to start writting in here a book but I dont know I might loose the patience. I want to do alot of things but never accomplish finishing them. Like my GED still debating on it I feel I cant pass it.  Getting an Associate Degree would be wonderfull but how can I if I cant get a GED.  I tried the other day and the math is what makes it hard.  I mean some equations and fractions are my weakness.

I have a secret I want to write on here but maybe later on.  Something I have done to J that its killing me inside big time.  Maybe in another page I will let you know.

Have a good night………