What a world it is

What a world it is, no one really is happy with their life. I mean cmon life is full of mistakes that we have done.  Who can honestly be happy with their life, maybe someone can be happy for a couple of hours but thats not enough, I want to be happy for a long time.  There are people who get a abused when they are little and not only has that affected their whole life but my gosh they get flashbacks. How can you forget all that?  Their are people who was raised with their parents or one of their parents and it seemed like they were loved untill they figured out that they werent.  Am I making any sense here? To me I am, I’m not happy and I might be speaking for myself but I know someone out there might be able to understand me.

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I was really messed up a couple of months ago, these girls at work were hating on me big time.  I mean I was looking hot, not right now.  But really I got thin, fixed my hair everyday and I was looking good.  They were hating on me from a white, hispanics, and asian girl.  I so much wished I could have fought them now that I think about it but it would not have been good for myself.  Right now I am filing for Workers Comp. Its been since May and they still havent accepted the case.  I hurt my hands and back from the work I have done also got worked stress since it was a hostile work environment but the thing is that it takes forever to actually settle and its driving me more crazy than I am.  I have to be strong for my family but being on these meds I dont know if it helps or not.  Some days I am okay others I get all retarded….  Zoloft is suppose to work, prozac to and so is welbutrin with abilify but I dont feel its doing anything but making me look like an elephant. 

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You can find me on facebook as well but here is where I will be doing most of my notes.  After all its my writings, feelings and thoughts all together.

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Well for Thanksgiving I will be cooking for my kids and husband.  Noone else, my cousin invited me to their house but I dont want to be surrounded with alot of people.  My sister is going there too I had told them yes I would go but no dont really want to now.  My mom I had an argument with her, it was mostly me talking and telling her all the stuff I have never told her. A while ago I decided to tell her face to face everything she has done to me and how ungratefull she has been.  She acted like she was the victim but in reality the only victims were her daughters.  How can you let both of your daughters been abused?  I understand if one of your daughters were kidnapped but the other one you just are suppose to protect her, I mean commen sense no?

I tell my daughters that they will always be first, I try to be affection to them but sometimes is hard. Mostly I show it with listening to them and buying them stuff.  Lately its been hard since I am not working but I am on disability which it helps us a little. 

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I must go now before the family wakes up.  They know I have a diary but I dont want them to read ever what I have written in here. I was reading my past entries and it was nice to read them knowing I was more happy then than now.