Depression and Anxiety

I’m not feeling super creative, so I’m just going to call this entry what it is.

This amazing and powerful tool came back in my life (OD, obs), I need to use the fuck out of it.

So this is where I am at, I’ve been on wellbutrin for awhile and things were good…but I still kept getting down really easily. So my doctor put me on prozac. A “baby” dose she said.
Anyway….it worked great as far as helping me not overthink things and not letting every little thing get to me….but the problem was I stopped feeling alot of other things too. Yes sexual…but also just…good feelings. I also felt like my memory was becoming overly foggy.

So I stopped taking the prozac, and things were rosy at first. My brain felt like it cleared up almost immediately and not long after I had all my feelings back.

Unfortunately, now the other stuff is coming too. Being sure that B is pushing away and is tired of me…using such strong evidence as he posted a link to the guild facebook instead of just tagging me. And he did world quests without me because he’s farming resources to make some of our guildmates a mount as support. When I say “strong evidence” I really mean I’m being ridiculous…I mean I can write that here right now…but at first it feels like the end of the fucking world when it happens.
Like we saved up since the start of the expansion to buy 2 spider mounts (2 mil gold a piece) and so instead of using his 2 person mount in raid like he always has done…now he uses that.

I am able to rationalize to the point of knowing A: its just a game…and B: that mount, which I have too and can easily use beside him, took him hundreds of hours to acquire and now he wants to show it off and it does not mean he is now embarrassed to be seen with me.

It’s important to note at this time that a good 95 % of the stuff I come in here and bitch about will be World of Warcraft related. Honestly, I cannot remember a time B and I have fought that DIDN’T involve wow. He loves to play it and not to an unhealthy point, so I’m not going to make him resent me by giving him an ultimatum, me or the game. Because ladies, (and gents)…that is ALL ultimatums do…breed resentment.

Anyway….so I’m struggling off prozac…but I like the good feelings I have without it. So…I just have to battle and figure out how to become saner without it. I like looking at B, and my heart feels so full it could burst. I don’t want to give that up for some over reactive irrationality.

K…cool…this helped. Thank god this is back…