Realization….

So the realization has been hitting me that I have no real friends here. I think the only true friend I have is K, who lives out of state. Most of my "friends" are people who are my friends when they need something…..but when I need something, they are only there if it is convenient for them. I’ve always known J was a user but she also did some good things for me. Of course those things were done I think to make her look good but still.

I am talking to J right now on FB. She has gotten to be ok about me not being a bridesmaid. I told her the truth was I didn’t want to wear the dress. It causes me too much stress to even think about what all would go into me wearing a sleeveless dress. She is sad but said she isn’t mad at me she says….whatever. I told her I would help with setup, etc for the wedding.

So yeah….N and I have no friends lol. We both have a lot of people we talk to but not many that we can seem to get together with to hang out with. It’s really sad. We are both people that everyone thinks have tons of friends….what they don’t know is we have lots of convenient friends. We are both really nice people who have always done everything we can for other people and generally we don’t receive the same.

I don’t expect anyone to feel sorry for us. We both do it because it is how we were raised and we don’t feel right if we aren’t helping someone. I blame it on the maternal instinct since I have no kids to take care of and N’s daughter hasn’t been around that much since her mother took her to another state…so he has that parental instinct thing going on too. I don’t know what to say that we both started it when we were younger because our parents are the same way.

What can I say….the people who really know me think I am the nicest person ever….a little too soft and let myself be used. People who barely know me think I am a tough ass girl lol…ahh yes I am a total sucker marrying another total sucker…life shall be interesting. We have promised to help each other be strong against our biggest weaknesses — mine is J…his is his sister..bother master manipulators.

Anyway…I am totally excited because I found the perfect wedding dress for our Halloween wedding….the downside is that it is $399…but it is custom made to your measurements. I showed it to my mom….she fell in love with it too so she is going to pay or help pay for it. It is seriously the perfect dress — it will be in Black, not white of course.

Ok enough of that…gotta get back to doing something more productive