And so it goes…

So last night I went out for late night appetizers and a drink with K. He was in a mood again. In that way, he is starting to remind me of my ex. I can’t deal with people who are ALWAYS in a bad mood. I know your life sucks. I know there are a lot of shitty things right now. But if I am supposed to be one of the good things, can’t you pretend for a couple hours? I mean we had a nice little time where I watched him get these horrible looks on his face because there was a kid in the booth behind us….he really hates kids in restaurants. I don’t know…there are so many things that he is uptight about. I mean I have a lot of pet peeves but if you can’t stand being around kids and you don’t really like my best friend, is it really going to work? He is social around people at the racetrack but it is all about horses. I am having a hard time getting him to just hang out.

I know he is having a hard time right now. His brother is doing really bad…and I think he is scared he is going to die. His brother being sick is leading to his mom being all edgy. He is short on money right now..won’t get the winners check from the race until like Thursday…I hear him. If I balance my account right now, I would probably have a freak out moment of my own.

So I had met him at the place….when we left, he went home, I started to go home. For the second night in a row I had the house all to myself…and again he chose not to take advantage of it. Whatever…

Of course I was really close to the bar so I went there instead to see if N was there….and he was. So I hung out with him and his drunk ass roommate for the rest of the evening. Had some drinks….had some fun….took his roommate home, N took a shower and then we left to go to my place. Got home the same time my roommate (J) did. So we sat outside, had a smoke and then came inside. We went to my room and had some fun. He stayed the night — I let him sleep in a real bed again…he doesn’t have one at his place – he sleeps in a recliner – long story lol. Anyway…he is a total cuddler. All through the night, he would always make sure to put his arm around me. That is hard for me….I am used to sleeping on my stomach spread across my bed lol. And he snores…snores like the ex did – it is crazy. But we sat and talked…I was falling asleep so he finally quit talking lol.

He asked me if I ever wanted kids. I told him I did but life decided I didn’t need any. I know he loves kids. I know he wants kids….he didn’t say it but his ex girlfriend had 4 kids and he took care of them all the time….and he misses them. We discussed how he has never been one of those sleep with a ton of girls kind of guys….he likes to know things about them. I told him that he says he doesn’t want a relationship but if you get to know a girl, she is going to expect one. of course he also says he doesn’t want a relationship but has lived with various people over the years….he tends to fall for the damsel in distress routine.

J really likes N — she wants me to dump K and hang out with N. honestly I think I would like that. N is a bit too hyper for me sometimes…the more we discussed it, we figured out that he is kinda the male version of J lol but I think he is fun. I told her K can be fun..I have seen it but it is few and far between. I have enough of my own issues with depression – I don’t admit it – Have never been treated for it – because it is mild but I know that is what it is when I have one of my "phases" of not wanting to be around people..it does run on my dad’s side of the family. K also has other health issues — several of the same ones the ex had. Other than him having a life and some money coming in, he is too freaking much like the ex I think. I see me falling into the same patterns…where as N is very energetic, works his ass off and is spontaneous….likes to do things…go places…wants to move to Ireland eventually…shit

I need K to break up with me. He is so close to the edge of falling into a depression – and isn’t on any meds for it right now. I can’t be the one who pushes him over the edge.