problem with love distance and computers

I fell in love at the Boy scout Jamboree with a guy name Victor. We only knew one another for 3 weeks. He asked me to move to Chicago back to live with him. He was everything I was looking for in a man but I simply let him go. I got one kiss he told me he loved me and if I wanted to be with him go to Chicago give him a call. He gave me his number but I simply didn’t save the number and I let him go. I am not placing my neck on the line for a man to end up homeless,pregnant and miserable. I don’t believe in shacking up with anyone I don’t believe in running away in love. I believe in relationships are years of dedication years of dating to be sure who this person is to get out of the honeymoon phase in order to see who they truly are. I believe live in two separate houses in case one decides to leave one does not end up homeless. This is the personal beliefs for me however everyone else can do what they deem fit. I am very peaceful with the beliefs of others I just hold my standards different then most.

I bought a computer with some money from the Boy scout pay check I felt really accomplished for my mother to scream at me my computer wasn’t good enough and take it back to the store. I didn’t even take it out of the box when she swore she could find better. The wants me to look on the Toshiba website and see if she could get my cheaper. I growled in annoyance because I was happy with my hp laptop. I didn’t see what the big deal is. Tonight she said she’s going to see if its worthy to her standards. I just wanted to go home and cry. She says mother is always right but is it right to make your 26 year old daughter feel incompetent. Most of the time my mother is a lonely woman but moments like this just aggravate me about her. My family has this amazing ability of never making me feel like I am good enough and it frustrates me.

I was in Walmarts wondering around looking on the price of computers a few days ago to discover my friend Gina Proctor was visiting with her kids and her boyfriend. I went to visit the family because I dated Gina’s brother Jr from 15-18 years old. When Jr wanted to leave I let him pack his bags. He is still in Pennsylvania sewing his wild oats and a baby mama trying to get him to take care of his kid. Jr’s brother Michael asked me out and I told him don’t you find it out you are asking ur brother’s ex gf out. Michael said JR’s problem not his. As much as I desire a relationship I want to keep it fair and not hurt Jr’s feelings after all many moons ago we were an item. The family seems alright about it but I just feel like it would be to strange for JR and that is why I turned Michael down. What’s your opinion? Walking avoid the right thing?

Today I was supposed to take my friend Mandy’s out to size her for her wedding dress. My mother told me we had to pay a bill right now. So I came home to pay the bills to discover my dad screaming at me my mom angry so I cancelled the appointment for Mandy to pay the bills a few minutes later my mom dismisses me telling me she no longer needs me after me canceling the fittings. I growled with annoyance wondering if there was so how a miracle a way for me to spend a few days alone. I love my family really I do but all this arguing isn’t healthy! I might sneak up the road and snatch Mandy for the fitting real quick and pray to God I don’t have much of a battle with my family in result to it.

I am back at Kmart. I am going to try to sign up for a job at PAnera Bread and work both places. I don’t feel very successful with my RBA and my associates in technical studies. I am trying to get a second job in order to pay off my college loan so I can go back… I hate being poor I am depressed but alive I think I might go to bed for a nap…night!