x broke heart..again,realization,crazy friend best

 My biggest flaw is loving to much. I try everything I can to do anything and everything for the person that I feel is worthy. Alex I dated since 2010. I loved him so much but he didnt love me as much as I love him when the relationship ended in January I tried to fix things in which in return made me shed many tears. This summer he told me he loved me to trick me into continuing having sex with him. My brain said he was just using my for sex my heart said well maybe this is the first step to the relationship I wanted. We would meet up and he treated me really well until he mentioned he was interested in a girl named Trinity this was of course he mentioned it after we had sex. My ego was hurt and I told him if he wanted her to have her I wasnt his play thing anymore. I told his aunt that Alex might end up with a girl named Tinity and that was a bit jealous but I will let him go to be sure he’s happy. Alex’s aunt in return twisted the story saying I was going to kick Trinity’s ass. Its not true if I saw her on the street I wouldn’t even be able to idenitify her. Alex’s aunt twist the story and several days later I got a text from Alex calling me a psycho and to never speak to him. I tried to tell him that his family twisted the story around to make me look bad. I drove to Bluefield to try to explain what happened to discover him not there. I sat in the car and I wrote a letter crying.

 In the middle of the letter I stopped and reread a part I wasnt thinking when I wrote on the paper. " If you cannot accept me for who I can. If you cannot love me and see the truth than you never truely had me and I am willing to be let go." I sat there astonished because my subcaucious apparently had a message for me. I cried a bit my mother called and said honey we love you its time to let go and come home. I promised mom I would come home and I did something I never dreamed I would do. I deleted his phone number and drove home in tears. Damn this stupid heart and this horrid thing called love.

 On the way home my friend Amanda called me to check up on me she discovered me crying. She was at a bar drink. Suddenly she was trying to scream I will kick his ass let me at him. It slurred and sounded hilarious. I laughed till I cried at her. Amanda as crazy as she is finds small ways to make me feel better.

 Two days later Amanda took me out to the beach with her boyfriends family. Alex wasnt mentioned. I got a nice tan and I enjoyed myself.  I ended up staying up till 2 in the morning getting items for my mother. She works at a hospital and she gave me a list of things to give a nurse to take on her unit. I dont know where its going to or who the people are I just did what was said because my mother has the stomach virus and the poor dear has been up all night throwing up. My dad even got sick and told me to run while I was still healthy. So here I am at the library typing away before I have to go to work for Kmart.

 On the fifth I get to start my job with the Boyscouts as a chef. Its a $12 an hour job for 10 hour day. I am going to take part of it and pay down my college loans and the rest I am going to go on vacation with because well I deserve something other than tears and heartbreak. Alex was supposed to go to the beach with me but I dont see that happening. The good news is my friend Melissa and Amanda volunteered to go if I want to. I got to work 3 weeks for the Boyscouts than back to Kmart I go. Speaking of go I better get my ass to work.

 I hope my mom and dad feels better soon. I hope my life improves. I have no idea where Alex’s life will lead but when someone chooses to leave I have no choice but to open the door and let him go.. BYE