The Thorn of Love

I can’t help feeling so down!

How can this be?

It doesn’t feel right!

All I can do is cry!

God! I feel so weak.

I just know that my life is not going to go beyond this.

🙁

I feel that I don’t have the courage to go forward and find what my heart is after….this long-term relationship and then marriage.

Oh, God!!! I can’t stop thinking about him!

I am writing this and listening to an Mp3 I made for him and bamb! His voice comes on as I am writing this with his Mp3 poetry he wrote me! Even in this entry the sweet voice of my Alex comes on to haunt me! I love him so!

We spoke for 15 minutes today and I sent him this real sexy spanish song on Mp3 by Carlos Vives…”Frutas Fresca”…”Fresh Fruit”!

It hurts not having him near me so I can wrap my arms around him! Every time he is not on-line I miss him so!

I spoke to my friend Roy and he suggested I go to England! I can’t do that right now for financial reasons and because I haven’t travelled alone anywhere.

Oh, God! I am such an invalid! 🙁

I am so sad! Today I went to my brothers’ house and I saw my brother and his wife kissing and holding hands and it made me real sad.

Now why can’t I make my dreams come true? Why can’t I put my life in geer and stop being an invalid?

What am I waiting for? I am so weak!

Yet, in my despair I know I’ve made great strides!

I never in my life thought that my love would be reciprocated and experience something as sweet as this relationship with Axle! I’ve even wired flowers to his Mum on-line! Something that was so difficult before!

I have become an expert mail person! I send him love packages frequently! I’ve baked him home-made cookies!

I am hoping beyond hope that Alex and I remain in love and persue this relationship and make it last.

Sensual @}>->->->->->-