Ask me anything*

I’ve done this many times in the past (I’m sure a few of you are sick of it lol) but I picked up a few new readers recently so I thought I’d give it another whirl. Ask me anything! I’m accepting all notes on this entry!

edit;
I only got a few! Here are the answers….feel free to ask more!

Also – if you feel more comfortable asking here – http://www.formspring.me/mrsLicky – feel free 🙂

Are you planning on going back to school? [p]

Simply put…..I don’t know. I’ve thought about it. A lot. And usually what I come up with is that it’s not really what I want RIGHT NOW, but something that I do want to do eventually. However – what I want to do it for isn’t really settled. I don’t think I’m ever going to be a career woman. When I have a "real" job again some day, it will be something that still allows me a lot of freedom to take care of my family. It’ll be more of a supplement to my first job of Mom, and not something overly-ambitious. That’s just, not me.

Is there anyone in your life that you wish you were closer to? as in had a closer relationship with?  [p]

Yes. Pretty much everyone other than my Husband & Son. They are the only two relationships that I feel 100% secure and satsified with. I know that the reason for all of my other relationships falling short is my own fault. I….have issues. I’ve always had weirdo intimacy issues (and I don’t mean THAT) – not feeling like I can allow myself to let go enough to get as close to people as I want to. Two main factors had a hand in shutting me down even further – having my heart broken, and living in Charlotte. Matt broke through my first issue after A LOT of trying our first year together. The second? I’m still working on it. Charlotte made me….kind of a socially awkward hermit. That might sound surpsing after hearing all my talk about missing my social interactions here in Buffalo – and trust me, it kind of surprised me too when we first moved back. But being so isolated for so long and having to kind of rely on myself & Matt for everything I really kind of crawled inward and I’m having trouble coming back out in some cases. Luke helps me with this – he is WAY more outgoing than I am and so he drags a bit of it out of me. I noticed things as soon as I moved back, though. Like…I have trouble making eye contact with people now. And, I’m really bad at initiating conversation. I kind of melt into the wall until someone talks to me. And usually as soon as they do I open up and I’m myself, but it takes that person seeking me out to do so. And in a lot of cases, I mask emotion BIG time. Like I try to dull even GOOD emotions like excitement or happiness. I guess I just have a 5 year habit of coping with negative emotions and it effected even the good ones. Another thing – I have trouble trying to "talk things out" with someone who has done/is doing something that bothered/bothers me. I used to be reallllly good at facing that head on and now I just…don’t. I think a lot of this has to do with being a mom – a lot of things feel like they aren’t worth the argument, or they’re petty, and I just let them go – even though it just ends up in the pile of crap that divides me from being closer to people. See? Issues. 

There are a few in particular I’m more sad about not being closer to than others. But, after all those issues I just revealed to you, the specifics of those feel a little too personal to talk about. If you know me IRL and interact with me even remotely often, you’ll notice that the people I find myself re-building relationships with more quickly are the ones who "satisfy" my shortcomings without realizing they are doing so. And the ones I’m struggling with are the ones who kind of unknowingly interperet my issues as something to take personally. I’m sure IRL-ers can think of a few people in each category.

If you could change one thing about your life, any one thing, what would it be? and nothing is not an answer =P  [p]

Whoever wrote this question obviously knows me LOL. Um, my "thing" is kind of general, and it’s really kind of funny how relevent this is. I just wrote an entry privately yesterday (I wanted to spell check it before posting it and ran out of time), and one of the themes dealt with my inability to "let go" in some instances. There are so many cases where I could have had things, but I let my fear and sadness get in the way. I’m really….stubborn as hell. And I wish that I’d let myself be happy in certain situations instead of fighting it tooth and nail. I think I’d make a lot of those decisions differently now….but for the most part I’ve always been so "sure" about things and when I look back I realize I actually wasn’t. I guess I wish I’d have been more willing to budge. And I hope I can do better at it in the future.