hello, march.
I haven’t been blogging much. (Or whatever it’s called on OD?)
I’ve been totally pre-occupied with…well, a lot.
The first part being house hunting. I’m obsessively searching real estate sites over, and over, and over again – all with the same criteria, hoping that there will be something I missed the last 20 searches. Of course this does nothing. We went to see 4 houses on Saturday and didn’t love any of them. One of them "had it all"…but it didn’t feel like home, and didn’t have enough bedrooms because every time we even casually talk about our offspring the number goes up. We want it to be a very long term house that we have plenty of room to grow into. The family that lived in the "had it all house" had 5 kids and converted their basement into a 4th bedroom to accommodate. I don’t think we’ll be having 5 (probably 3 or 4 – God and my body willing!), but it still felt cramped.
We’ve decided that the Dodge Elementary – Casey Middle – Williamsville North school pattern is the exact one we want Luke to take, and that is severely limiting us. People that live in that district DON’T leave it because they want their kids to take the same path. This has also meant raising our budget. Even so, there are only like three houses in that district that fit what we want and none of them are big enough or updated enough. So we wait.
The longer we wait, the better the situation. The more money we have to put down. The more time to wait for "THE" house. But the more insane I get. I’m so tired of waiting – even if it’s the smart thing to do.
There’s a house in Pendleton that is ADORABLE. It’s huge, and the yard is huger, and it has a sunroom, and a LIBRARY (which is just, a small office but it’s full of books currently), and a deck with gazeebo and a hot tub and a built in fire pit. The kitchen is SO ADORABLE. I realize you’re supposed to look past decor because, who cares? But I freaking LOVE what they did with this place. They expanded their kitchen into what was supposed to be their dining room, turned their living room into their dining room (giving the usual boring split-level look a totally cool lofty-feel), and turned their downstairs family room into their living room. And then they decorated it sooo so freaking cutely I could puke.
(You guys know me and color….remember my wedding??)
Love love love!!!
Anyway, the downsides? It’s 3 bedrooms (which used to be our perfect, but now it’s 4), and it’s Pendleton. And I DO love Starpoint schools – but it’s not Williamsville. Nothing can beat Williamsville. So we’ll probably pass up this way way way way too cute house.
On a much more serious note…..
I haven’t said anything about this because I didn’t want anyone worrying if it was unncessary – and turns out, it was. I feel a little stupid about it, now. I guess I shouldn’t? But still.
About 2 weeks ago I found a lump on my left breast. I was getting in the shower at the time, and I felt like a zombie for the whole shower….worst case scenarios flying through my mind. Matt came home and found me getting dressed with a blank look on my face and asked me what was wrong. When I told him he sprung into action while I crumbled. All I could think was, DO NOT MAKE ME LEAVE MY BABY and I NEED TO HAVE MORE BABIES, THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING. I knew the facts – I’m 25, I’m in good health, there’s no immediate history – but even so…you grow up a female being taught lump = bad, possibly fataly bad, how was I supposed to feel – ya know?
Matt made calls while I disconnected from emotion further and further to the point of feeling numb (funny how you can feel coping mechanisms turning on when it happens that quickly). He made me get ready to go and took me to urgent care, holding my hand the whole way. When we sat in the waiting room I was literally shaking in my chair, telling Matt how I wanted to get it over with. The woman who saw me said that she thought it was a cyst but didn’t have an ultrasound machine to be sure. She referred me to an ob/gyn (since I didn’t get a new one in the area at the time) but they didn’t have on-site imaging. I asked BFF where she went and I called and made an appointment.
That appt was this Friday, and during the wait I’d really found a kind of peace about it. I wasn’t scared for the appt – but by the time Thursday arrived I was DYING to have it over with. The doctor was amazingly sweet – she couldn’t have been better. She started feeling around and I noticed she was feeling the area for a LONG time. I was wondering if she couldn’t tell what my lump was or just wanted to re-check the area for other lumps. Then she says, "Did they find the lump at Urgent Care?". I said yes. She kind of giggled.
She went on to explain that when I had my baby, my breast grew extra glands to help make milk. Once the glands grow – they are there for good. They are prepared for more baby making & feeding. Many times, these glands get engorged during ovulation (right around when I found the lump). She asked if I’ve lost weight since having Luke and I said yes. She said that when you lose weight post-baby you notice these lumps (without the extra fat to hide them), and they stand out in an even more "scary" way when they are engorged with your cycle. So basically…..I was just in the prime situation to feel one of my milk-making-glands, and for 2 weeks I worried that my life could be coming to an end way too soon.
I guess, at the very least – new moms? Remember this. Don’t freak out if you feel something similar, too. Don’t stress like I did.
Looking back at the situation, it feels like a huge over-reaction. I mean seriously, like I couldn’t figure out that it was a milk gland?? After everything I witnessed my body go through?? But, I guess….it could have turned out to be something terrible….so it’s good that I did something about it. Or rather, that Matt did something about it for me when I couldn’t. He is a great great great man.
(That reminds me, mush warning ahead. Friday we had a terribly annoying day – ya know, the kind where nothing goes right, and even though they are all trivial and dumb they just add up to piss you off. All day we were irritating each other and arguing about everything from getting pre-approved for a house, to having a fish fry vs baked fish for dinner, to who said what the night before. The day was just, crap. When Matt got home I fully expected an evening of tension and cold shoulders. But when we put the baby to bed, he pulled me aside, kissed the crap out of me (really, there’s no words for that kind of kiss – it was of the fireworks/butterfly/first-kiss-thrill variety of kisses), and then while looking into my eyes and holding my hands he said, "I love you. I really really
love you. And I know we get on each other’s nerves once in a while, but I hope you know you’re everything to me." I was pretty much a puddle on the floor.)
Anyway. I’m glad that it’s behind us, and I really feel like I’ve been given a bit of a "free pass". It feels like a second chance, even though I never really had a problem in the first place. Having to even consider the horrible things I did opened my eyes to quite a lot. And in response, we had a great weekend.
Saturday, as I mentioned, we house hunted. For lunch we went to the restaurant at the Deerwood golf course with my Dad, Diane & Gabby. It was SO YUM! Matt & I split a chocolate Ghiradelli lava cake – holy crap. Talk about carpe diem. Okay, really, my brush with dismal crap doesn’t mean indulging in sweets all the time…but yesterday it did. 🙂 In the evening we took Luke to visit my Grandpa, and then we finished off the night watching Twilight. Perfect!
Today I went to lunch with my Mom & Luke, and then we met my Grandma, sister & cousin Amanda (and her family) at a nearby firehall for a basket auction. They had A LOT of cool baskets – but only Amanda won anything. It was still fun to go. Matt went golfing at this indoor simulator center around here – he and 3 of his friends rented a private room for the day and they had a ton of fun. It was one of the first times he’s been able to get all his friends together at once, so that was cool.
Oh, also. Matt and I have been talking about working out together since the start of the year, but with so many things going on it just kept getting put aside. I’ve been bugging him about it the last few days (I RARELY have the drive to work out so when I do I really have to pounce on that motivation) so he finally put a routine together for us. We started it tonight – it was fun! We’ve actually never worked out together consistently – I always kept that separate, for some reason. Not that I ever did it very consistently! But during my phases it was always something I did by myself or with girlfriends. I felt kind of embarrassed about it, actually. But…well….Matt saw my guts in a pile outside of my body so the doctors could remove a 9+ lb baby lol…..I don’t think there’s much to hide anymore!
He says once I get a feel for weights and things he will make my routine more "girly", and I sure hope so. We did a crap ton of arm stuff tonight and I could care less about my arms. They’ve never been my problem. I care much more about my legs. And my abs. OOOh the abs. I googled the crap out of how to fix diastasis, at least to some extent (mine is SO so so bad it will probably never be 100% without surgery, eventually). I found this like, diastasis "boot camp" where you do a specific exercise 10 times every hour you’re awake every day for a week, and it’s supposed to mostly fix the problem. What are the chances I can remember to do that every hour with Luke on my hands? lol It’s probably going to take me more than a week! I also think I’m going to get another belly support band (my old one is SO worn out from wearing it all the time freshly post-baby….it probably can’t do it’s job very well). I have a feeling it will help hold my muscles together through the other exercises that trigger my abs without meaning to, and maybe even when I transition from the diastasis exercises to traditional ab routines.
Enough work out talk 🙂
Anyway….I’m going to watch the Oscars. I have a TON of laundry & straightening up to do tomorrow, and I’m pretty sure BFF is coming over to work on shower invites tomorrow. I need to get to sleep! 🙂 I hope you’re all doing well!