St Judy’s Comet

I just sent an email to one of the mom’s for whom I work as a part-time nanny saying I had to quit, effective immediately. The backstory is unimportant and boring so I’ll spare you the details. I only update because I need to share with someone how completely fucking empty I feel all of a sudden.

I’m so in love with her little boy and even though I know quitting was the right move, I had no idea how immediately and intensely I would feel the loss of his presence. I feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest. He’s only 16-months old, but I love him completely.

One of my favorite moments with him, my favorite moments of my life actually, occurred just recently. It was close to his nap time and he was really winding down. I was lying on the ground with my knees bent. He climbed onto my stomach and laid back against my knees, drinking his bottle and zoning out. We laid there for what felt like eternity. We weren’t playing or tickling or anything. We just laid there zoning out together. It was the most beautiful bonding moment I could ever hope for.

Even when he’s being a cranky little fusspot I can’t help loving him. He’s beautiful and amazing and I’m going to miss him deeply.

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August 5, 2010

im sorry you had to quit 🙁 *hugs!!!<3*

I’m sorry Em. What is going on with you?

August 6, 2010

Hugs. I’m sorry you had to quit. 🙁

August 6, 2010

*HUGS* I’m sorry.

*squeeze* Sorry, love. But your moment at least sounded magical and you’ll always have that memory.

August 6, 2010

*gentle hugs*

August 7, 2010

awwww, =( that is beautiful. losses stink. i’m sorry.

*hug*

Hugs

So sorry that you had to quit when you love him so much. Hope you find something else.

August 29, 2010

So sorry that you had to quit–it certainly sounds like the two of you really had a great time together. 🙂 RYN–Oregon is a beautiful state–I hope you get to visit up north someday, as I’m sure you would love it.

August 29, 2010

RYN: I disagree with your statement that our political system is supposed to make everybody equal. That was the Soviets. When a political issue is really just a political issue, I agree that politics and morality are separate issues. However, laws are essentially codified moral rules that a society requires its citizens to live by. Theft and not wanking in the middle of a playground for example.

August 29, 2010

(continued) There’s a certain level of immorality that I understand will be and even ought to be legal and left specifically to the churches and such. Drinking, for example. When it comes to issues like abortion, where we as a society have to decide whether it is or is not destroying a life, or gay marriage, where we have to determine why, as a society, we recognize marriage as significant,

August 29, 2010

(continue) it’s not a matter that is limited to affecting the individuals engaging in these activities. Even if their proponents characterize it as such, I’ve seen pretty clear evidence in the lives of those close to me that this couldn’t be further from the truth. It would be immoral of me to cast a vote in favor of normalizing self-destructive acts.

September 3, 2010

Ryn: both are just examples of the larger issue. They just happen to be the most prominent two examples.

September 4, 2010

That’s fine, I don’t come on OD with the intent to cause debates. I appreciate the feedback too. I even agree with your statement that “[t]he government shouldn’t have a say in how we live our lives, morally speaking.” However, the problem is that when these sorts of things are legalized, the government starts pushing them in schools and other venues as legitimate and even ecouraged, even from

September 4, 2010

(continued) a very early age. If that’s not the government having a say, I don’t know what is.

OK so he’s not the last note anymore 🙂 this is my new diary, usual stuff about wanting to stay hidden, blah blah blah. it’s an outlet so ignore me being weird. I think I need it since I have no counseling. I’ve purposely this time not seeked out anyone I knew from before because it immediately made me feel constrained. so yeah, let me hide please 🙂 lol.

she fears that we won’t be approved or won’t be chosen for one reason or another

RYN: I look forward to your translation

RYN: If it is easier, send me an email joefabulous43@yahoo.com

October 31, 2010

*HUG* I wish you the best dearie. *HUG*

December 26, 2010

🙁