Musical Octopus

Have you ever met anyone that sets your soul on fire? 

I have no idea how else to describe it. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more like myself. He sees me in a way that I’ve always wanted to be seen. The things that push other guys away don’t seem to scare him in the least. I even smoked with him, which does not happen. Period. I hate being high around a guy that has my heart. It just… doesn’t work for me. But it does with him.

I hate that people keep asking me if we’re dating because 1) it means I’m talking about him and 2) it means there are very obvious stars in my eyes when I do so. The answer is no. A relationship just isn’t going to happen for us right now, probably not ever. There’s a reason he was originally labeled the Unattainable Bastard.

He feels the need to apologize (for something which REALLY doesn’t merit an apology and I’ve already emphasized the point) so he’s making me a painting in lieu of flowers. How fucking awesome is that? "Can’t talk right now. I’m busy sketching and painting your apology piece." WHO SAYS THAT?!

We started watching Pieces of April, then paused it for… I don’t even remember. But when we were ready to turn it back on I said, "This movie really opens me up. I can’t handle being open right now." He understood exactly what I meant and put in a different movie. Who does that?? Who listens to a statement like that and understands exactly what it means?!

He listens to me gush for hours about my niece and nephew, then takes an active interest in looking at gobs of pictures of them.

We had a sixteen hour conversation. SIXTEEN HOURS!!!! We sat and talked for sixteen motherfucking hours. That one fact ALONE should explain how I feel about him.

I feel alive when I’m with him. I don’t feel dead without him, but he makes me happy to be me when I’m in his presence.

It’s just so wrong.wrong.wrong.wrong. that he’s unattainable. I don’t want to get over him, but I don’t want to be pining over him either.

For now, I’m going to just smile. And miss him.