The weirdness that is my life

My mom bought a new knife that’s all curved and it’s hardcore serrated and just looks like something from a horror flick. She was all excited about it and I got to test it out. 

Me: *wide-eyed and full of awe* It sliced through that cantaloupe like butter!
Mom: Then that’s the knife we’ll use if someone breaks in!
Moments later…
Me: *running to the bathroom* Yup! Slices through skin, too!!

Thankfully I still have my thumb. Most of it. 

I asked a straight friend if she’d be interested in going with me to Gay Pride this weekend. Her response? "I already RSVP’d for a guitar jam. But I’m doing AIDS Walk later in the year!"

Right. Because that’s… the same. Ugh. 

Speaking of Pride, I’m avoiding the girl from the hostel. Never in a million YEARS did I think that’d ever happen. She kept sending me all these different flights to go up to Edmonton for Pride even though I told her over and over that I had to work that weekend. She keeps telling me that she has *so much* to talk to me about. I’m pretty damn sure she broke up with her girlfriend, whom I couldn’t stand.

The three of us went out drinking one night and I got stuck sitting at the bar with just the girlfriend whilst Shaz (hostel chick) was off doing… whatever the hell she was doing. I tried to be super nice to the girlfriend even though her patronizing, catty tone consistently made me want to claw her face off. She finally pissed me off when she asked if I knew what frostbite was. 

"Of course," I said.

"How?" she asked incredulously.

I wanted to punch her. The fact that I’m American doesn’t mean I’m completely fucking ignorant. Yes, I live in a mild climate but come the fuck on. 

"Do you know what sunburn is?" I asked her. She flipped me off. 

Anyway. I keep getting "I miss you" texts from Shaz and GOD I want to see her, but I can’t get on that plane right now. I can’t dive into an ocean of lesbian drama. I’ll drown. But good lawd is she sexy. Gah.

Did you notice that I said I had to work? That’s because I’m a nanny. Yay me! I’m working again! Have been for the past couple of months, but my hours are now being cut. DRASTICALLY. Starting Monday I’ll be down to 12 hours a week. So much for getting back on my feet. 

How the hell did it get to be midnight already? 

Goodnight.