The sun really is shining
One of my pet peeves is when someone says something along the lines of, "I’ll love you forever." Whether it’s a song lyric or a sentiment exchanged between lovers, it just irks me. No one can predict the future. You may HOPE to love that person for time and all eternity, but there is no way you can promise it. Circumstances change, emotions evolve. It happens every day and in every aspect of our lives.
Take a conversation I had with The Mother last night as an example. We’ve discussed the subject of suicide many times and I’ve tried to explain to her why I believe suicide is not a horribly selfish act. I realize that it inflicts pain on the victim’s loved ones, but if you really loved that person wouldn’t you want them to escape their pain? If someone is seriously contemplating suicide, it’s because their level of pain is exceeding their ability to cope. I would hope they would make every possible attempt to alleviate the pain WITHOUT suicide, but I cannot blame someone if their pain is too great to find any other escape. In my opinion it would be far more selfish for me to insist that they live with their debilitation because that’s what’s more convenient for me.
She always took in my words, but insisted that she still couldn’t understand why anyone would choose such a irreversible decision and that it would never be an option for her. Then last night we were catching up on one another’s weekend and somehow the conversation steered to her driving around hopelessly. For the first time in her life she was contemplating ending it. It was as though her face was melting under the pain. I wanted to hug her, but I was scared to move from my spot on the floor. I just listened.
I couldn’t bring myself to remind her that I wouldn’t be angry with her if she went through with it. I don’t want her to feel as though I’m encouraging it. I’m NOT. Not by any stretch of the imagination. If she did it, I would be crushed. But still, I don’t think I could bring myself to be angry. I see how lost she is. I see what a struggle it is for her to maintain hope. I see how frustrated she is. And I don’t know how to help her. I just barely know how to help myself.
I really do love my mom and I’m so grateful that I’ve been able to work through the anger of our past and rebuild a strong relationship with her. I hope she’s able to find a way to work through her issues, but if she can’t I will try my best to respect her actions. I’ll never stop missing her, though.
Nothing is forever. Not even love.
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I no longer feel guilty about masturbation. I love all the notes you have been leaving. I have really needed it since the weekend. Thank you for reading. It means a lot to me.
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Do you have some sort of messenger chat like Yahoo?
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Get online now! I want to chat. I am v6urak@yahoo.com
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I just sent you a Friends request on Yahoo
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*mountains of hugs*
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*huge hugs* i hope that’s not the answer.
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Yikes 🙁 you make it sound like it wasn’t a momentary thought in passing for her… I agree with your sentiment. I hate to see anyone suffering, that’s not exactly living. But I do hope she can hang on a little while longer and find something to get her life back on track and happy and stuff. ***BIG HUG!*** for you both.
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RYN: thanks! The guy who said it was…interesting. heh.
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http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D809178&entry=10180&mode= 🙂
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I respect your opinion, but disagree. Because something is not known for sure does not mean it cannot be. As ‘forever’ is long, ‘no one’ and ‘no way’ is large. RYN – I’ve no idea how hard it is to type with rubber gloves on, but that does leave quite the mental image, I’ll tell you what. 😛 Hope your Valentines went better than expected. Shalom, -MOI
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I share your suicidal thoughts. And, I don’t think it’s a cowardly act at all. RYN: I assuuuuuume you were referring to when you guys beat us in the preliminary round? Normally I wouldn’t touch the topic cause I’m superstitious and if I boast, then we’ll lose. Hockey’s the only thing I get superstitious about. ANYway, I’m glad you felt good about a prelim game. Us Canucks don’t care muchabout them, we prefer games that matter 🙂
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I just posted a bunch of entries from 2004…I know how much you like my old stuff…lol…but I warn you, this stuff is day-to-day boring.
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While I respect your opinion, I totally disagree. I think, as a parent, when we give life to a child, it is necessary to put aside all selfishness. I would never do it, even at my lowest, weakest point, because of my children. It would be wrong of me to leave them motherless because I was having a hard time with life. They are my life and I live for them. Just my opinion of course. Ryn: glad Ihave access again. Thanks. I’ve missed you.
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Pfffffft. See [air.]’s notes on my entry saying “Please, people, try not missing the point….” I think what you have is a case of taking things too literally. You don’t have to find 365 new rags to riches cases a year in order for it to exist. And who says rags to riches means that they all become millionaires? For instance, my step-mom grew up very poor and now she’s sucessful and makes…
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… decent money. She may not be completely responsible with her money all the time, but she still has it. I would consider that to be a rags to riches scenario. Or even someone who used to so horrible with their money that they were deep in debt by the time they were 25, but worked hard at becoming more responsible and eventually paying that off,etc. might fit the bill for that type of story.
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Stories of people over coming finacial hardship don’t all have to be “so and so was poor and couldn’t feed their kids, but they found a lottery ticket in the trash can and became a multi-millionaire.”
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RYN: you’re welcome! I’ve definitely had quite a few of those arguments with people myself. Quite frustruating.
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RYN: Not coming to CA just quite yet. I have been traveling way too much.
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On the flip side, making a promise that you _may_ not be able to keep might beat simply not saying anything at all.
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Miss ya. Hope ur ok.
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I will be in LA March 16 – 20
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Ryn- Thanks. I wish more males would talk about stuff like that. Guys get insecure as well but I think there’s a certain shame that prevents them from speaking up. So, I guess I gotta do it! http://www.myspace.com/bran098
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i run into this situation alot. im dealing with the hassle of cancer right now and people become offended and self righteous when I tell them that if I find out that there is no way out..that im going to die a painful death..that i will take the matter into my own hands. I find myself horrified at the selfishness. They would rather me suffer horrible agonizing pain than allow me to die quickly andwith some dignity? i give that dignity and respect to my dog..why cant I get it? but noooooo i need to suffer to make others happy? weird logic haha
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