Honker Duckie Dinger Jamboree

I’m coming to terms with… life. As Mr Radin would say, "For the first time in such a long, long time I know I’ll be okay." Now, I make no promises about how I’ll feel tomorrow. The panic may win again, but for today I am calm. In this moment, I have a home that I love. I have my health. I have my loved ones. What more can you ask for?

Speaking of loved ones! Hmmm, that’s sort of an awkward transition… but whatever. Anyway, so do we remember He Who Shall Remain Nameless? I don’t think I’ve ever given any real back story to him, so if you don’t then just go ahead and smile and nod and whatnot. Anyway. Tonight I was having a conversation with a wise old (uhmm… emphasis on the wise, not that other word) friend and I found myself saying things that I didn’t even realize I felt until the words had slipped past my lips. He Who Shall Remain Nameless (henceforth known as Nameless because I’m lazy) lives far, far away. Hell, you even have to whip out a passport to go between his house and mine. I’ve visited him a few times this year and I found his city enchanting. Tonight I told my friend, "I felt more magic in that city than I did in New York."

The city has brutal winters and as a California girl I don’t know how well I could handle it. My cold weather experience is pathetically limited, so I was hoping to experience the city in the winter. And I didn’t realize until tonight that I was thinking it, but if I was able to withstand the cold… I kept flirting with the idea of moving up there. I can’t explain the draw, but something is there in that city. And it has absolutely nothing to do with Nameless. His presence would be sort of an awesome form of sexalicious icing. But since things with us took an inexplicable nose dive of late I’ve been trying to quell those ideas and remind myself that I can’t make another trip there because it’s "his" town. How stupid is that? If for whatever reason he’s decided I’m not the type of person he wants in his life, guess what? IT’S A BIG CITY! We could co-exist and likely never even cross paths.

So I don’t know. I don’t really have any answers or really any firm questions. Just thoughts. I have some other friends there that I may be able to stay with. They travel a lot too so it’s not guaranteed, but it’d be worth a shot. I’d really like to go back. I’d like to explore more. I’d like to feel that sensation that tickled the corners of my lips and forced me to smile as I walked down the street. There is something magical about that city and gash dernit, it’s okay if I’m there alone. I mean yeah, it’d hurt to be really close to him and still not actually get to be with him, but I’ve been through hurt in my life and I always come out on top.

As always, we just have to wait and see what happens.

PS if you’re wondering why the title, I’ve been on a Sesame Street/YouTube binge and I cannot stop giggling over the videos that encompassed my childhood and the fact that I can still sing along with the songs!!