You Live, You Learn…And Then You Get Luvs

Do you ever get the feeling the rest of the world knows something you don’t? More importantly, the rest of the world knows some piece of vitally important information that they have no intension of sharing with you? I might be mistaken, but I believe we have all felt this way at one point or another. Reading through the diaries in this community (hopefully) opens one’s eyes to the pains, joys, mistakes, fears and celebrations we all have in common. We are able to express things behind a faceless diary name that we wouldn’t dare tell the people in our daily lives. Chances are, however, that those very people from whom we withhold such private information share our secrets. Why should we fear ridicule for getting ourselves into a circumstance beyond our control? Why should we hide our true feelings about a given subject as a defense mechanism? When we are all so obviously the same, why must we make others feel lowly for the small differences in each of us. After all, we each have differences. Just because my difference is in one area and your difference is in another area shouldn’t make one acceptable and the other unmentionable.

There is a line in the movie Saved! where Roland (played by Macaulay Culkin) says to Hilary Faye (Mandy Moore) something along the line of, “You have everything Hilary Faye. What are you afraid of?” That moment really stuck out for me. What are we each afraid of? What motivation hides within us that would make us want to humiliate another human being? Why must there be a butt to each joke? Can there be no humor if no one is hurt, insulted or offended?

I do my best to be an open-minded person. I may not succeed in all situations (who does succeed in all situations?), but I do put in a sincere effort. I am comfortable speaking on a variety of topics without an uncomfortable pause or nervous stammering. I am fairly (though not 100%) open about my sexuality and what I prefer inside and outside of the bedroom. I try to take a second look at people before forming an opinion, and once that opinion is formed I try to keep it as free of criticism as possible. I am in no way, shape, or form a saint and I don’t claim to have all the answers, but I feel lucky to have been born the person I am. I have the ability to tolerate, even understand, people who have had society turn their backs on them. I believe there is a lot people can learn from me, but I am not arrogant enough to believe there is nothing I can learn from others. Despite the pain Boyfriend as inadvertently put me through, I’m grateful that he has been a part of my life. I’ve learned things from him that one can only learn through the intimacy of a lover. There are faults that we carry and sealed areas of our mind that are inaccessible to anyone but our other half. I’m grateful for the things he’s taught me in the past and for what he will open  my eyes to in the future. Whether we stay together or part our separate ways I will never regret pursuing a relationship with him.

I have no regrets. I’m satisfied with my life and where I believe it is headed. I only hope that I can continue to improve as I grow older. There is so much knowledge and so much experience, tolerance and love to be captured. I pray that the influences that have gotten me this far remain in my life and guide me along a path of productivity and uplifting influence.