Clarification, Part 2

I don’t know how or why, but I managed to forget to add in my last entry the fact that I did contact SchoolyP. I had tried contacting him last night at an old email address. I didn’t get a failure message, but I didn’t get a response. I had hoped for one, but I had no idea where in the world he was stationed and therefore I had no idea what time of day it was when he received the letter. Because I knew that the email address was old, I continued my search at work this morning. When I finally got slapped in the face and realized I should at least try to google him I came across his new blog…and his new email! So yes, I did contact him. I didn’t want to spend half an hour writing a letter that would end up in oblivion, so I wrote a quick note to say hello. In less than 45 minutes it was returned!! I was absolutely thrilled!! When I saw that sitting in my inbox I did the meanest happy dance you’ve ever been blessed enough not to witness.

I wrote him back a letter that was probably as long as my last entry. I feel like an ass for doing it. After sending it I realized it must have been overwhelming to receive. I have been reading his blog for most of the day (don’t tell my boss). While the circumstances he was writing under were less than uplifting, I find his entries inspiring. It reminds me why I fell for him in the first place. I don’t think that is the right term to use…”fell for him”. That implies a combination of love and lust. What I felt for him was a friendly love. In a sense I wanted to be with him, but that was because I was so young. It was hard to realize the difference between loving a man and loving a person. I loved the conversations we would have, but I don’t think we would have had them if we were dating. He and I were able to talk about whatever we wanted to talk about. We could express random thoughts and have it to be totally normal. There was no worry about where the relationship was going. There were no fights. Differences of opinion? Yes. Fights? No. I have the gift / cursing of loving very easily. There are a lot of people in this world that I love…SchoolyP included.

I’m scared that I should not have contacted him. Maybe he was meant to stay in the past. I don’t know. However, I’m really really nervous that I freaked him out with my longass letter. There was no readjustment period for him. It was just *blamo* “Here I am and here are all my emotions from the past twelve hours!!” Wouldn’t that put you off? So now I have no idea whether or not I’ll ever hear from him again. That makes me sad. He is such a wonderful human being. I’m sad because I never got to see a picture of his wife or learn how they met. I never got to learn of what happened to the infamous L, or how is brother is doing. I don’t know. He returned the first so maybe he’ll return the second. I’ll let you know.