If youre against the Iraq war, you’ll so hate this

Masturbate an Iraqi and Win a Free Digital Camera!

That’s right bitches. The OpenDiary Master can keep his shitty ads, this one is here to stay. That’s three megapixels for abusing three Iraqis. Send any/all photos taken by your whistleblowing friends to HisDivineShadows@Yahoo.Com to get you free digicam. I know, it is ironic that you have to take pics to get a camera, but shut the fuck up, this is MY contest, dammit. It is all part of His Divine Campaign: For Every American Iraqis Murder, We’ll Abuse Three Iraqis. I think it is a solid goal that can be attained, but with His Divine Shadow in the lead, we’ll make Abu Ghraib look like Disneyworld. You haven’t seen a naked pile of Iraqi ass until you’ve seen our campaign. And they don’t even have to be POWs, we just grabs them off the street and let the abuse begin!

Anyway, you get points depending on how you abuse your Iraqi. The point system is as follows:

ACT OF ABUSEPOINTS GARNERED
Breaking chemical lights and pouring the phosphoric liquid on detainees+5
Threatening detainees with a charged 9mm pistol+4
Pouring cold water on naked detainees+5
Beating detainees with a broom handle and a chair+10
Threatening male detainees with rape+8
Sodomizing a detainee with a chemical light and perhaps a broom stick+50
Punching, slapping, and kicking detainees; jumping on their naked feet+15
Videotaping and photographing naked male and female detainees+15
Forcibly arranging detainees in various sexually explicit positions for photographing+25
Forcing detainees to remove their clothing and keeping them naked for several days at a time+10 per day
Forcing naked male detainees to wear women’s underwear+50
Forcing groups of male detainees to masturbate themselves while being photographed and videotaped+100
Arranging naked male detainees in a pile and then jumping on them+20
Positioning a naked detainee on a MRE Box, with a sandbag on his head, and attaching wires to his fingers, toes, and penis to simulate electric torture+50 bonus for creativity
Writing “I am a Rapeist” on the leg of a detainee alleged to have forcibly raped a 15-year old fellow detainee, and then photographing him naked+50
Placing a dog chain or strap around a naked detainee’s neck and having a female soldier pose for a picture+20
Having sex with a female detainee+50
Using military working dogs (without muzzles) to intimidate and frighten detainees, and in at least one case biting and severely injuring a detainee+20
Taking photographs of dead Iraqi detainees.+15
Beheading an Iraqi on live TV+1000 and a trip to Tahiti

Winning 100 points automatically qualifies you to win a free digital camera. That means you can beat 10 Iraqis, make a human trampoline of 5 detainees, sodomize two female prisoners, or get one prisoner to jack himself off to win! Combos are encouraged. You get bonus points if you can figure out new and creative ways to humiliate these assholes who would probably kill an American just as soon as he would look at him. After all, it’s the only way these damn dirty Arabs will learn that America really knows what is best for these bitches!!! =8-O

-His Divine Shadow

P.S. This shouldn’t be confused with the Israeli Campaign: For Every Bus You Suicide-Bomb, We Will Bulldoze Ten Homes. So far, the count of weapon-smuggling tunnels found in Gaza since September of 2000 has climbed to 90. Keep up the good work, guyz! I love how ambitious those Israelis are. Their urban assault training whomps ass over the U.S., they know that Starbucks sucks, and they control U.S. foreign policy.