His Divine Shadow’s guide to fakey religions

You are right. I’d rather you not kick my ass than be like Tom Cruise.

*gets down on her knees to pray and worship His Divine Shadow*

I don’t think Pilgrim’s prayin down there. THAT AIN’T PRAYER!!!

Ryn: GOOD IDEA!!! Why didn’t I think of that?!?!?!!!! (please forgive me, I cannot help it…I worship him)

i have already been worshipping you daily

gotta love brutal honesty.

Shall I bow down now or wait a little…?

Aha, HDS, so we meet at last. We seem to have a similar taste in women, although you have the edge on me by almost 40 years. That’s a big advantage. I only have wisdom on my side but where women are concerned wisdom is no fucking use so I really don’t have anything going for me except my skills as a dirty talker! Anyway, this was good. My SIL bought a Feng Shui book and rearranged her entire

house. One week later her unemployed son found work so obviously FS worked. Six months later his marriage broke up and a year after that so did the SIL’s. Then she lost a lot of her money in a scam and became very ill. Are we seeing a pattern emerging here? Yep, you’re right. Feng Shui cuts unemployment! I intend quite soon to deconstruct christianity and scatter it to the four winds. Wonder why

there are only four? Or is that the corners of the earth? Does the earth have corners? I think not. But I digress. Once I have destroyed christianity I shall return as Torsten the Mighty and institute a new age of scientific rationality. But you will be pleased to hear until that time comes I shall continue with Open Diary. RYN: Do they? When does the hunting season start? <{:0)

I get the feeling that your worshippers will have to wear knee pads as part of their ritual costume. And bring anal lube. Loooootsssssss of anal lube. Oh! Oh! I could have my own religion and we could send our people to kill each other and then share a hearty laugh over tea each night! W00t!

i do worship his divine shadow.

i’m ready to fight everyone that noted you, chris… put them in line and tell them to get they dukes up… it’s time.

Phhhfffffssshhh! Who DOESN’T praise aliens? Actually, I praise Mulder’s sexy ass…but same thing

SINNER!!!! muahaha, Chris phuck all religions and yes even yours. We all know there is only one religion on OpenDiary and that is the worship of the mighty DiaryMaster who fights off demon hackers for us, has database deleted for our sinful entries and is our mighty wise protector. Bless the DM Chris, bless him be….

Hee hee hee!!! I love it when I can agree so vehemently with you and feel no remorse. Wicca really pisses me off, too. It’s just a watererd-down high-school version of paganism for all the goth kids to play with. And Feng Shui is pretty retarded, too.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot… *kneels down and starts licking your toes*

And Bhudism?

I’ll worship you. Send me your bible.

Scientology is crap. Utter crap. MorONism and Jehovha’s Witnesses too. ACK.

Thanks for the notes. I don’t think being pro-life should be just a matter of faith. It should be a matter of respect for life. And not trying to play god. My faith just happens to reflect my standing. And ” so-called “Christians” should be the LAST people to consider jumping on that bandwagon. I’m all for women’s rights. But this isn’t one, some Joe Schmoe doc decided he’d make alot more money

..if he convinced the feminazis this was a “right” and actually had the audacity to equate it to voting and job discrimination. And so they call it a choice and Joe Schmoe pockets the blood money.

oh yeah.. almost forgot… you can sex me anytime. in fact.. please do.

*lol* a very bad spelling mistake due to the stupid caller who was calling me on the entry you left a note on. 🙂

As far as gay marriage.. You said it best. They want me to respect them and give them the same rights. They should respect me and admit their marriages are NOT the same as mine.

lol.

Is THAT what Scientology is? Jeez. That’s hilarious. People believe that? I mean, really? I knew somebody who worked as a Feng Shui consultant, who told me about this married couple who were clients of her, whose sex life completely sucked until she saw that they had red sheets on their bed. Apparently she made them change to another colour, and then they humped like bunnies. Riight.

Uh, hm. I always thought feng shui whas, you know, arranging furniture so that your energy is, uh, happy. Not really a religion. But, damn.

[worships you]

LMAO at Breelash’s note. hee hee hee.

haha. this was great. thank you for writing it. I can think of a few other fakey religions that you missed but this is a good start.

*gigglefits* I love you Chris! This entry really made my day! As for your note in my diary, Dana doesn’t want to back out of the friendship. He’s the one that doesn’t want ME to walk away from it. I know dating his friends is hard but it doesn’t matter who I date, he hates me dating ANYONE. Period. And that’s NOT fair to me. Or him. He needs to let me go. I’ve missed you on here.

*prays to Divine Shadow* Wanna worship me??? *wink* Oh yeah…

Sh!t, so that’s what Tom Cruise meant! I thought maybe he decided to take up anthropology or something. *frowns* But wait, wasn’t he supposed to be dyslexic…? =P

I’ll send my followers to kill your followers and then when we both run out of people we’ll both declare that we won and the world is a better place…thereby gaining more followers which will in turn will result in the same thing again… :p I love religions…hehe…so nieve and easy to manipulate…and make for slaughtering good entertainment for those on the sidelines…

RYN:*strikes a pose* I know my typing’s sexy… just look at my z, how *gasps* TIMES NEW ROMAN! Actually… I take back my request for you to describe Buddhism. Try the celebrity fascination which skyrocketed Kabbalah in to the vernacular. 🙂 *continues to piddle about diary, looking for worthy-worship stuff* I’ve yet to decide about your religion. Sounds better than alot of ’em though.

Teeeheee! Muah!

“it just makes you look like an even bigget moron.” You’re right, I guess I must be a moron, as I am completely unfamiliar with the term bigget. Your vocabulary is far superior to mine, oh great divine shadow, and thus, you are far smarter. Oh wait, no, bigget isn’t a word. Nice try, dickhead. Thekaiser

oh ya, ps, I wasn’t trying to sound smart, I was pointing out her hypocritical action because I found it amusing. Kind of like how I find the irony amusing. You know, how you wrote that note saying I was sounding like a moron, and while doing so, made a stupid spelling mistake and thus sounded like a moron yourself? I love little things like that. yu ned ah dikshonary, shiithed

I’m not exactly sure how far that state of the art brain will take you, so I’ll just let you know that the above note was me too. You know, I just don’t want you to get confused and scared. All the best my friend, I wish YOU all the best. Thekaiser

^^ Fucking bigget.

Very informative. Today’s Christianity is unfortunetly being manipulated by man to resemble fakery too. More judgemental and less Christ-like. So sad!

No it has not! He has had 1 position, but right wing pundits keep playing a tape of 1 sound bite and this hillbilly “whatever they say” mentality took over. If you go through every record over the last 4 years..you will find that he was for Afghanistan and pissed that we failed at Toro Boro. He has been against war in Iraq but voted for the Prez & his authority..which Bush blew! Please Read!

Furthermore, I bet you everything in my kids’ college savings accounts that Bush has lied more and flip-flopped more than Kerry since 2000! Are you ready for that challenge? My kids account is quite substantial!

I dont know much about athiest as people dont come up to me and say, :hey, i dont beleive in God and this is my opinion”. But..as a preachers kid and a reader of the bible over the last 28 years (I know it very well), I have found a very grwoing number of so-called Christians that have been very judgemental and fake. Our President is one.

For a man like him to lie as much as he has and direct his policies against everything Jesus stood for while professing “faith” and that God wanted him President is demonic! Talk about a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Fake Christianity is very very dangerous and for a man like that to practice it really scares me.

Doood. Im not fighting with you. Its a little humor to break this dittohead mentality that is taking over. I just wish people were more informed that’s all. All it takes is for people to read a little more. I think it would do the world some good. And, if you thought about it, If Jesus was alive today..The right would compare him to Jane Fonda.

Thanks for your last note, but it would really help me..if you would share with me what Bush’s strategy is? Do you know? “Cause he doesnt.

Thanks dude. You last note game me hope for this country! Vote for your man, I dont care(as people died for the right to vote.) Im just glad you’ve got an open mind!

ryn: Sure thing. just go to my entry titled “Bush”. It has all the unbiased sources & info on how he has duped us. Not one source is from Moore, CBS or Fox!

ive noticed uve been leaving the kaiser notes, u wanna have a laugh, look at the threats he left me, quite interesting. hehehe

I had no idea Feng shui was a religion. hmm funny how so many magazines do exerts on it and dont mention that, damn editing bastards. Anyways, did you hear about the SpongeBob religion? Yep, they have churches in New York, California, and Texas now. Crazed fans writing “bibles” and testments based on SpongeBob and holding church like sermons. crazy. Bay

Before you start bashing other religions, please take the time to acctually KNOW what the Helm you are talking about. Du*bF*ck

RYN: Actually, Dylan is a girl becoming a man. I’ve decided that, since she refuses to accept who I am, I’ll refuse to accept who SHE is and will now revert back to calling her by her real name (Vanessa). I’m just waiting for Zombywoof to note me and be a bitch about it. He’s a prick about religion (among other things)

I’m Pagan, and you had my crying (from laughter) with the Wiccan description. Rock on.

RYN: I’m sure you laid that typo as a trap. Very cunning. Obviously, someone of your stature could not make a spelling mistake, that’s just unheard of. As for the rest, there’s something oddly unsettling about you asking me to be your pet. I don’t know, something about a guy asking another guy to “be [his] pet”….hmmmm…doens’t seem right to me.

So make it an MP3 and host it for me, Bitch.

I would have had to agree with that last comment of yours except for one minor detail…In Israel Halloween doesn’t exist…

These retards think I am YOU. They are REALLY as stupid as we’ve all said they are! First they thought I was Hicks and now they think I’m you. This place is full of Special Olympics Retards.

These retards think I am YOU. They are REALLY as stupid as we’ve all said they are! First they thought I was Hicks and now they think I’m you. This place is full of Special Olympics Retards. Even the diarymaster is retarded. I just left a blank note. From Blank Frank, ha ha! What a dumbshit this guy is.

I thought this was all about you expressing what you believe in? Isn’t it much worse that you won’t let others? You amuse me with your nievaties. The animal, is you my friend. Because you are so high strung, and stick your nose into others business and preach about how they are wrong and you are right. Doesn’t that make YOU the idiot and lesser? I thought so.

Dude, your cult sounds totally cool! Can I join? I’ll bring the Kool-Aid…

You are such an ignorant, idiotic *sshole. If you’re going to ridicule people’s beliefs or their way of life, at least know what the f*ck you’re talking about. >.< Just shut up and take your bullsh*t elsewhere. bye.

What the F*CK is wrong with you? O.o Don’t be so f*cking ignorant of people’s religions, because frankly, you can’t f*cking talk about religions since you pretty much violate every single f*cking law that every religion proclaims with every f*cking entry. -stares- Al

Prays to his divine shadow and passes him a bong

*pokes* You’re gone again. *lick* Love

You know.. I haven’t been on open diary in a long time and you know it really greatly pisses me off when some flesh tree like you starts upsetting my friend “Weeping-Within” and you know. Seriously you are just some ignorant little boy who needs to get his priorities straight. How can people “Bow down to you” I mean seriously. You are just some horny little guy who needs attention.

And you know what else? All of your entrys ARE lies. And Seriously you know nothing about any of the things you say. You just are burning the things you dont like and you know what? Pretty soon they are gonna burn you right back. And that person trying to start that budhhist shit? What the hell? I mean you all are probably white christians who think everyone who’s different are gonna go to hell.

Which greatly annoys me. Seriously you are just ignorant and need to get a life instead of going on a computer and typing your little problems away. That’s what I did and guess what? I actually have a life. I’m not a computer geek like you. *smiles* Now I know for a fact that your gonna “bombard” my opendiary well guess what? I don’t write in it anymore. So go ahead. Call me names. I don’t care.

At least I have respect for people and at lease people respect me. It seems the only people that respect you are also ignorant and don’t seem to have there heads on straight. So you know.. Seriously all of you need to get a “life check up” So you can learn what is truely gonna happen to you. Cause if you think all this shit your saying is gonna take you to “heaven”. Screw that your wrong.

Now i’m not saying your going to hell. And no I am not a christian. Actually I am a budhhist. Which your probably gonna bombard next. But you know seriously. You are going to be hated all of your life if you keep acting like this. So stop being a kid. (i’m expecting you are since you have no age up) And stop acting like you are god. Because you are not. Seriously. You need to get a life.

Thank you for listening to me. I really appriciate it. And I tried my hardest not to cuss so I hope I get the same from you. Have a wonderful day. I hope you change. Moi

His Divine Shadow- Feng Shui isn’t practiced in Western Civilization as a religion, it’s practiced as a form of interior decoration. It’s difficult for westerners to understand something that originated thousands of years before in countries very different from our own. As for wiccans… You seem a little prone to stereotyping. Everyone is different. Thanks for your opinions though. -Vær

damn dude you get a lot of notes. note trail following is what landed me here in the first place. must.. resist…

loooooooooveth you

hey div… you need me to take out this monkeydoodle for you? they are starting to piss me off…

Neato.

I get the feeling that Mr. Divine Shadow is doing his best impersonation of the REALULTIMATEPOWER website. Unless he really is as ignorant as he seems…

enjoyed reading that

lol. i just found your diary from RC… and i am enjoying myself immensely.