Trapped

I’m so caught up in my head right now.  It’s a trap.  I’m not distracted enough at work even to not think about my current circumstances.  I’m still waiting.  What if he doesn’t come back?  I feel like the longer he stays away, the less chance we have of making it through this together.  I know he can’t possibly be in a good mental place right now.  He’s probably just as trapped up in his head as I am.  And I don’t think that there is anyway for either of us to get out until we are face to face.

I’m still hopeful that we can get past all of this if he would just come home.  We need to sit down and talk to somebody.  We need to be together.  Right now, he is avoiding dealing with this like the plague.  And I’m not going to lie… I’m pissed off.  I’m really really pissed off.  And the longer he prolongs this, the more pissed off I’m getting, and the more I don’t feel like even dealing with the bullshit anymore.  He shouldn’t get to do this.  He should be the one waiting for ME.  Not the other way around.  It’s not fair!  I just want to yell at him.  Scream at him that he is ruining everything!  He is breaking me, and he won’t even try to fix it right now.

The only contact I had with him yesterday was via text message.  I never actually talked to him.  And now his phone seems to be dead.  I want to tell Pastor Kevin to call him, but if he calls him, I don’t want him to just leave a VM.  I want him to talk to him directly.  Somebody needs to get through to him right now.

I want to go home.  I want to scream right now.  I’m cracking, and feel like the smallest gust of wind is going to result in me in pieces on the ground.  I can’t stay distracted enough to stay out of my head.