Venting/Recapping/Goaling

I am so effing pissed off right now!  I’m really at the end of my rope with my job search.  Seriously.  I can see why people go mental when it comes to the job market right now.

So I had a great interview last week.  GREAT INTERVIEW!  Today I decide to send a follow up email to let them know I’m still interested in the position.  Just got a reply:  The position has been filled blah blah blah.

The rejection is really REALLY starting to get to me.  I can’t figure out what I’m doing wrong.  I’m getting interviews.  People are looking at my resume.  I go to the interviews.  The interview goes good.  And a few days later I hear, "We filled the position."  FUCK FUCK FUCK!  And I’m so fucking tired of being asked, "So what would you say is your biggest weakness?"  FUCK THAT QUESTION!

I still have a few more unemployment checks coming my way, but I’m basically half way through my eligibility period.

Our money situation sucks.  We are okay, but it sucks.  Yet Jacob still seems to think that we are going to Tahoe the last weekend of the month.  Right when rent is due.  I don’t know what it is with that family and money, but they love to spend it even if they don’t have it.

Our rent is going up next month.  We haven’t saved any money so that he can keep his precious dog, which if it comes down to it, that is the last thing on my priority list right now, and I’m not going to make any effort to do so.  I hope that it comes down to either her leaving or losing the apartment.  She can go stay with his mom for FREE.

I want to get the computer paid off.  That alone will cover the rent increase even if we would end up keeping the dog.

I sit and work all this stuff out, and we could be comfortable and be saving money little by little.  But that’s not going to happen when one of us has a spending problem.  Forget wanting to plan things out for the future.  Instant gratification is much better don’t ya know?  Forget trying to find something to do that is free and entertaining.  It’s much better to throw $10+/week on 3 hours of mindless computer games surround by loser gamers whose lives revolve around you guessed it computer games.  $10+/week isn’t that much don’t ya know?  Yeah… it only adds up to $520+/year.

I’m so over this flippin’ lifestyle of being broke because of stupid shit.  I just want a JOB!  A job that will allow me to live comfortably while I secretly start putting money aside so that my hole-in-the-pocket husband doesn’t spend it.  Keeping money hidden in a marriage is bad you say?  Well guess what.  I don’t give a flying "insert profanity here" what you think.  I KNOW I’m tired of not having money, and I plan on doing something about it.

I’m pissed and I bitch about Jacob.  There are days when I want to disappear.  There are days when I wonder what the hell I was thinking.  But when it comes down to it, we will be together.  We work through our b.s. day by day.  We say that we don’t want to be together anymore.  But neither of us is going anywhere. 

I don’t want to hear your thoughts on it.  Really I don’t.  I’m venting today.  I don’t want your advice.  It will just piss me off more.

We spent the weekend at Nana’s.  She is renting a little house near the beach over in Capitola for the summer.  It was fun.  Saturday we hung out and grilled steaks.  It was a really yummy supper.  We stayed up late and played games with Nana that night.

On Sunday we headed to the beach for the afternoon.  Jacob wanted to fish for a bit, so while he was fishing, I hung out on the beach with the dog.  Tried to drown her, but she lived.  JOKING!!!  Geez..  I’m not that heartless.  Actually hanging out with the dog wasn’t so bad.  Like I said, if we get the computer paid off, she’ll be able to stay no problem.

I started a challenge over on SparkPeople. It will last for 8 weeks.  It’s like a Biggest Loser type thing.  No real prizes or anything, but they do put you on a team, so you feel more accountable for you actions I guess.  This week the challenge is to make sure to drink your water everyday and then any additional water on top of it.  I’m not a water drinker, so this is going to be good for me to get into the habit again.  Drink drink drink!

So far today, I’m not doing so good, but I will make sure to drink at least the required 8 glasses.  I’m really hoping that I start to meet the goals that I set for myself.  For tomorrow, my goal is going to be getting up when Jacob leaves for work, have breakfast, and go for a morning walk instead of sleeping in until way late, skipping breakfast, and waiting until late in the day to get up and move around any.

I did my measurements last night.  BAH!  It’s embarassing and ridiculous.  But I’m taking the steps to change.

Christy is also starting a new "goals" group for the ladies at work.  It will be kind of like a weight watchers type thing, but not focused just on weighloss.  Anybody who goes will be able to set their own goals, and then receive points for acheiving those goals each week as well as points for attending the weekly meeting.  It will be good for me because it will help keep me accountable for my actions each week.  I don’t want to be the only person not doing what they set their goals.

I’m not one to follow through with things, so I’m hoping all of this will help me to break my bad habits and replace them with good habits!

Well the dog just came in from the other room and from doing who knows what.  I better go see if she made any messes.  If you read this and feel the need to leave a note, please keep the marital advice to yourself.  I don’t really want to hear it.  Thanks.

JamieLynn