In Search Of…

Wow… it’s been quite awhile since my last entry.  Guess I’ve been busy.  I’m around though, just haven’t really had much of a desire to write either.  Things are still good.  Life is great.  I’m learning a lot about myself right now.  And I feel that I’m gradually growing and changing as my relationship with God continues to change and grow as well.

So to start with, this past weekend was spectacular.  It was the women’s retreat for my church this weekend.  We went up to Mission Springs on Friday afternoon and came back this morning.  The theme of the weekend was "Freshly Brewed Life", and I must say that I have come back from this weekend freshly brewed and with a new outlook on a lot of things in my life.

The weekend itself was fun.  I rode up to the retreat with Luann and Gina on Friday afternoon.  We stayed in a cabin that is owned by one of the other ladies from church.  This cabin was absolutely adorable and so perfectly cozy.  I will try to remember to post pictures after I get them developed and put on a disc.  The way that the cabin was set up was there was the main cabin with a patio/deck off to the side of it which was also attached to a second little bunk house.  There was plenty of room for all of us with room to spare.  In fact I slept outside on the most comfortable foam mattress under the stars and giant redwood trees.  It was actually probably the best sleep I’ve had in quite some time.  Even though the temperature dropped down to the 50s and 40s, I was able to stay so warm under the down blankets.  I wish I could sleep in that setting more often.  LOL  But I should be careful what I wish for too I guess.

The accomadations were definitely perfect for the weekend.  There’s so many other things about the weekend that I could write about.  I really don’t even know where to begin.

There were a couple of different main speakers at the retreat.  Rachel Johnston was one of them and Barbara Johnson was the other.  They both had beautiful messages to share, so I guess I’ll bullet point some fo the things that stuck out to me that I wrote in my notes:

• God loves us just as we are, not the way that we should be.
• We are all Daddy’s little girls, and we really should look at God more and more as a parent and father to turn to throughout our lives rather than somebody to be afraid to approach with ease.
• Being a child of God is eternal.
• NOTHING in all of creation will ever be able to keep the love of God away from me.
• Only God can fulfill all of my needs.

One very powerful message that Rachel talked about revolved around the line, "It depends on whose hands it’s in."  For instance, a basketball in my hands is worth about $20.  But a basketball in the hands of Michael Jordan is worth millions of dollars.  A tennis racket in my hand is worth a whole lot of nothing.  But a tennis racket in the hands of Venus Williams is worth the Wimbledon Championship.  Some nails in my hand is worth building a small birdhouse.  Nails in the hands of Jesus… well that’s worth the salvation of all of mankind.

Back to some other points of reference and notes that I took:

• Only Chist can satisfy us.
• God needs to be more than a roommate in our life.  God needs to be our soulmate.
• We all have problems and three things can hold us back from reaching out for help: 1) Pride 2) Guilt 3) Busy-ness
• John 4 says that unless we admit our need for the "living water" we will note reach out and take what we really need.
• We need to stop trying to live our lives on our own.  Let go of the things that don’t matter and trust and follow in the Lord.

Four things that we always need to remember to do through out life:
1)  Whenever there is something that we need and we don’t know where to turn, alway remember just to ask God.  Run to God!  He wants us to run to Him.  Just ask God when you need something.  Unlike friends and other people in our lives, God loves it when we are needy and cling to Him.  You have to go to God when there’s nothing you can do.  Ask him, "God what do you want me to do?"  SURRENDER TO GOD!

2)  Listen!  Be a woman of the word.  God has a love story fo us all and He is a part of that love story.  In His word and in prayer is where we will hear God’s voice.  Ask, "God, what is keeping me back from having a closer relationship with You?"  His whispers will always improve our lives.

3)  Act!  Take a step of faith.  Act on what He asks you to do.  God wants to speak to us personally.  THIRST FOR GOD THE WAY THAT HE THIRSTS FOR US!  God’s grace can redeem anything.

4)  Acknowledge Him!  Give God the credit for what He has done for me.  Thank Him!  Write it down…remember what He does for me.

There were a lot of messages that stuck out to me through out the weekend.  One of the more powerful messages that I know I am now going to have to address is healing.  I know that I’ve already been forgiven for my past.  I’ve been forgiven since the moment that I acknowledged to God that I had messed up.  The moment I turned to him, accepted him into my life and made a promise to follow Jesus Christ, I was forgiven.  But I haven’t been set free of some of those sins yet.  I’m not talking about the sins like lies that were told, drugs that were taken, drinking too much.  Sins like those for the most part can be easily forgotten.  I’m talking about the promiscuity that I let take control of my life for many years.  Like I said, yes I’m forgiven of these sins, but I’m not free of them.  The relationships of my past continue to stay with me throughout my life, even now that I’m in a monogomous relationship with my husband.

Saturday afternoon, I spent an hour or so in a session with a woman who talked to a group of us about the invisible bonds that our created when we engage in sexual relationships before we are married and the lasting effects that they have in our lives thereafter.  Everything that she talked about hit home with me.  It was probably one of the hardest things that I’ve ever had to realize… to know that while I consciously thought that my past relationships have all been left behind me, in all honesty I’ve been carrying them around with me from relationship to relationship to this day.

There is a reason that God meant fo us to only be with one person in our lives.  There is a reason why He meant for us to wait until after marriage for sex.  And when we ignore that, there are consequences.  I have a healing process to go through now, but once I begin the healing process and get through it, I will be free of these past relationships that I’ve carried with me to this day.  There is so much more to this whole message, but since I myself have just started this process, I’m going to have to wait to add more details.  In the mean time, feel free to go to THIS

website.  Barbara Wilson is the woman that opened my eyes to something that has been lingering in the back of my mind for years now.  Something that I’ve tried to hide in the back of my head and hoped that eventually it all would just go away.  Now I know why that will never be able to happen, and that I need to face things now to finally be free.  I’ll let you know how it goes.  Actually I just found this video on YouTube of the lady that I met this weekend and about her message that has set the wheels in motion for me:

 

Okay… so back to a few more notes that I took this weekend:

• God gives us grace even though a lot of the time we don’te really deserve it.
• Always run to God.  Do it often and do it quickly.  Don’t let guilt keep you back.
• If you have problems with praying always remember that it’s not the words that come out of our mouth but what is in our heart that matters.
• Forgiveness is instant but freedom takes awhile.

I’ve also decided to write letters to God in addition to writing in my journals and praying.  I’ve found that writing letters can make my relationship with the Lord feel that much more relaxed and close with Himl

Well, I suppose I should head off to bed.  It’s a new week, and I’m sure there will be plenty in store.

Good night!
Jamie