I Feel Like A Selfish Biotch! ~EDIT~

So I talked to Jacob’s mom last night.  She called to tell me happy birthday.  While we were chatting, I asked her what she was thinking about having Hannah in the wedding.  It basically came down to the fact that she wants to  decide in a couple of weeks what she is going to do.  She wants to watch how Hannah reacts to the medication they put her on now.  If she has a good reaction then she may keep her in the wedding.  If not then it will be my friend Andrea in the wedding instead.

All I can think of is how Hannah has been acting over the past few weeks.  Aside from the fact that she has had major seizures, there is the fact that she has been completely off her rocker because of the seizures.  In the back of my mind I can’t help but worry about her doing something embarrassing not only to us but to herself while she is standing in front of a big group of people.  OR even worse, having a seizure in front of a big group of people.  I probably sound like a selfish bitch… but it comes down to the fact that I don’t want my wedding day remembered for the girl who acted crazy or the girl who had the seizure during the ceremony.

If she would have a seizure during the ceremony, I can pretty much guarantee that the wedding would not happen.  I would have stressed out about this day, and spent a large amount of money for this day, only for it to be ruined.  Ruined because Jacob’s mom doesn’t want to make Hannah feel bad that she may not be well enough to actually be in the wedding.

Evidentally Hannah thinks that she is worthless to the world right now.  I guess before all the seizures started, she had applied to take some classes at some college or something.  Well the school, not being aware of what has been going on with her, called yesterday to set up a time for Hannah to come in and talk about her classes or something.  Since she had answered the phone, she went ahead and set up the appointment.  Mary ended up having to tell her that she wouldn’t be able to go just yet, and now Hannah is upset and thinking the whole worthless thing.

So add that into the equation now.  That is why Mary doesn’t want to decide right now whether or not to have her in the wedding.  She doesn’t want to make her feel like she can’t do anything.  I can understand from that aspect, which is why I didn’t really say much when she said that she wanted to wait and see in a couple of weeks.

OHHH… and then you have to throw in the fact that they still have NO money.  How the hell are they even going to GET to the wedding?  Well I can tell you this… I’m not paying for the tickets.  Right now, two round trip plane tickets are going to be about $668.

The situation is pretty messed up, but I’ve decided that I’m not going to postpone the wedding because of this.  Unless Jacob throws a fit about it, and then I wouldn’t have a choice.  It’s pretty bad that our lives as husband and wife are starting out filled with drama.  Not the most ideal situation.  *sigh*

~EDIT~
I did forget to mention that my mom is buying our cake for us!!!  It’s going to be $329.  Glad I don’t have to pay for it.  LOL  AND it’s going to be the cake that I wanted from the beginning!  Here’s a picture!

It will be the full 4 tiers, and the top tier will be decorated as well.

I also got these items for the wedding from The Knot.

This with the letter C.

10 of these for the wedding reception.

2 orders of these (100 matchbooks/order)  I ordered the red ones with the hearts.

2 bags of heart shaped wedding rice (SAFE FOR BIRDS AND ANIMALS)

My Aunt Vicki bought Jacob and me the toasting glasses.  They are really neat looking, but not really personalized.  I’ll probably have them engraved after the wedding.  I also got a mug for the maid of honor and the best man with the same design on the glass.  I’ll have to take a picture when I can of them.  I left everything that we bought for the wedding in Nebraska, so that I wouldn’t forget it here.  =)

Okay… enough of the edit.  I feel better now after adding some positive things to this entry.  =)  I seriously need to get back to work.  LOL

Laters,
JamieLynn =)