Curtain.

Every morning for two weeks, I have been waking up early and going to the grocery store to pick up a beverage and use the cash back option at self-checkout. My bike is out of commission because I cannot get the U-lock off (long story, tried everything, not getting into it) so I have to take the bus. Every morning, the associate at self-checkout talks to me. He’s always very chipper. Over thirty. Rapey mustache. You know the type. But he’s very nice. Today he said I looked lovely. Pretty much the only thing that made this morning pleasant. Yesterday, I walked home from work (couldn’t afford to take the bus home–yeah, it’s that pathetic) and decided to stop by my friends’ house. I used to live with them and probably talked about them frequently here. Allison and Amanda. I know I’ve been a terrible friend to them by not hanging out and avoiding invitations to do so. But they always welcome me with open arms. I was telling Amanda (who drove me home) how I’d always felt fortunate that by some twist of fate, I ended up living with  five of the nicest people I’ve ever met. Yes, they all drove me crazy at one point or another. There will always be something that drives you nuts about the people you’re living with. The problems I had there, however, never amounted to the ones I have now. In any case, I really missed them and it was nice to play catch up and see where they planned on taking their lives. They seem so happy. And I feel like that’s a place I can never quite reach. When everything goes well, something always comes up to spoil it. I’m only twenty-three and I feel as if I’ve reached an end. I don’t know. Life is stressful. I’m expecting wrinkles soon.

I keep waiting for a text that I know won’t come. Don’t you hate that?

Kay..So. Reasons I Hate The Customers At My Job:

1. If a show runs for more than a day, they never come in to the box office prepared with what day they want to attend. Instead, they make me look through every day the performance will be here. And no, there is no magical "Pull the best available seats" button. Why would you go somewhere to buy tickets to a show that you don’t know the date of and you don’t know your availability? "Oh! Hmm…Well what day is it here? I don’t know if I’m free then…do you have a calendar?" No, I don’t have a fucking calendar for you. Bring your own.

2. They think you’re lying when you say that the first five rows in the Orchestra are sold out…when the show has been onsale for over a week. If you cared so much about sitting front row, you would have been here the day they went on sale. Yelling at me about it is not going to change the fact that someone else is already sitting there. You’re better off picking a fight with them, because I’m just going to stare at you.

3. Everyone wants an aisle seat. I understand the appeal. But you must understand that everyone else does as well. So when I tell you the closest aisle seat is Row X, do not stare at me.

4. People who dress inappropriately to come downtown. Example: A large woman -just- came in wearing jean capris and a lime green belly shirt that barely covered her EXTREMELY LARGE bossoms. Nipples firmly visible. Bad choice? I’d say so. Even if you looked amazing in an outfit like that…at least keep it for the beach.

5. Complaints about Ticketmaster. We are NOT Ticketmaster. We sell tickets to our events through them as well as at the box office here, but we are two entirely different companies. If you have a complaint with your tickets that you bought through them you are more than welcome to call them. We cannot fix whatever your problem is because we don’t have your money in our system. Go away.

6. People who buy Ticketmaster tickets from our outlet. We are an outlet. However, more proof that Tickmaster is a dickhead company–they will not update our system. So we have the program that comes up as a blue screen and is command prompt. We can only bring up best available, we cannot search through the venue to find the seats you want (you can, however, save yourself a trip and do that online), and you cannot buy tickets online for a different venue and pick them up here despite what one of their associates will tell you. Another fault in our dinosaur program. Since we are an entirely different theater, we do not have information on all of the Ticketmaster events in New York State. Again, if you want information, call the venue or Ticketmaster. Don’t yell at me. These are not my personal mistakes or faults. They are issues resulting from a badly run company. I don’t care that they charged you over sixteen dollars in convenience fees. If you wanted to skip that fee, you should find a way to buy from the actual venue, if that’s an option.

7. Patrons who insist upon being seated in the Orchestra and are under a strange delusion that the balcony is "horrible". Yes, our theater is old. No, we don’t have an elevator. We are a historical landmark, so we do not have the approval to alter our theater in that way. Handicapped seating is on the floor for this reason. If you want to sit in the back of the theater and attempt to look over the thousands of heads in front of you with no leg room, that’s on you. Or, you could go to the balcony and sit in a seat where you can see the entire stage without too much obstruction at all. It’s your hundred something dollars, I won’t tell you how to spend it.

8. People who want to order tickets over the phone through us. Sorry, we don’t do that. We are contractually obligated to do all of our phone sales through Ticketmaster. If you’re so distraught over (again) the convenience fee, drive the ten minutes to the box office and stop being lazy. Do not tell me your wanting to sit on your ass and not go anywhere is any of my concern. Talk to my manager. He’ll tell you the same thing and be less kind about it. If you have a problem with the price of the tickets (which we do not set and would cost you significantly more in NYC), you probably shouldn’t be buying tickets anyway. Going to the theater is a luxury, not a necessity. How could you possibly forget that?

9. Season Subscribers. They think because they sunk over four hundred dollars into a seat in the theater, that they can have everything. What they don’t understand, is very little of that money actually goes to the theater. It goes to the traveling companies that come through. We get, maybe $25 dollars of the $450 per seat. So no, you’re not a huge supporter of our theater unless you donate over $1,000 to its restoration. Being a season subscriber, you do have the opportunity to exchange your ticket to another night if you can’t make your performance. We ask that you do this 48 hours before your originally scheduled performance so we can find comparable seating and have the opportunity to sell your old seats, otherwise, we can’t garauntee you anything. What most people do is wait until the night of the show to say they can’t make it for whatever reason and then expect us to be able to make perfect accommodations for them. Or, they call when they’

ve already missed the show. Are you serious?

10. Customers who get here at five, knowing we close at five. They never want something quick. They know we’re closed and -always- end up staying here twenty minutes to a half hour after we’ve closed. It’s just a seat. Do you really need to discuss a seat for that long? The least you could do is be courteous to the idiot who stayed after hours to take you, and let them leave as soon as possible.

Before anyone says it, NO, the customer is NOT always right.

And that concludes this entry.