You Only Get What You Give.

My bones ache when it’s about to rain. But I always stay by the window and watch. I like to see the clouds with bursts of sunlight behind them…slowly grey and become angry. The calm before a storm may be my favorite moments on this Earth. It is comforting. More comforting than the rain itself. I really only enjoy the actual rain when I’m in my hometown. Where everything smells of wet earth. Not here, where everything smell of wet garbage. I have been unfathomably happy as of late. It was short lived, as I knew it would be. I feel inadequate. Ugly. And that no one wants me. What I find horrifying about this, is that this feeling is also comforting. Like I’m slipping back in to who I used to be. As if I could not write when happy. Maybe that part is true. And that is unfortunate. My thoughts always slip to the fairytale I’ve built around the life I have with Chris. He is everything to me. I could never have imagined someone to fit so perfectly in my arms. I have trouble believing he is mine exclusively. I’m insecure and I need to work on that. I’m tired.