Enough.

I’ve decided to stop making excuses for my long leaves of absence. Instead, I will forever catch you up and fill you in. So. Graduating is really hard. I can’t stand the thought of having to be here another semester. And, apparently, those were my thoughts all this past semester since I flunked three of my four classes. My parents are really pissed. We haven’t spoken since they told me about the letter the college sent. There was no yelling or anything…and you know it’s bad when no one yells. My GPA was relatively unaffected, which is nice. But I still feel terrible. I knew that’s what happened and I didn’t look at my grades at all when they were released. So two online summer courses it is. I can’t be fucked to go to campus every day for a month. I’ll be all finished with everything by the end of this summer. I will no longer allow the registrar to spring mystery classes from nowhere on me. If it happens again, I will simply transfer. In spite of school being an irritating mess, things seem to be going rather well. I’ll be moving in with Chris soon it seems. I’m scared and everyone thinks it will be a bad idea but you never know until you try. I’m willing to take the risk. It will be nice to have company that I do not secretly loath (I.E. the roommates I’ve had for the past year).

I feel really distant from Coral, lately. She has a boyfriend now. They’ve been dating for well over six months…not really sure how long though. They’re a package deal. When she’s home alone, she crawls into her bed and sleeps. So we don’t talk very often. It’s disheartening. And I feel pretty alone. I feel like all of my close friends are starting lives and I’m stuck in limbo because I can’t move yet. It feels as if there’s this fairytale inside my head of how things will be when I’m in NYC. Like Chris and I will have this amazing life together, and because of that, nothing could ever go wrong (in a manner of speaking). When I look at my life ten years from now, he’s still in it. I haven’t had that. There’s no doubt that there will certainly be times when our relationship is tested. But I’ve never had more faith in us than now. That’s comforting.

So my mission this summer is to lose my arm fat. I hate it and never feel comfortable showing them. I can lose weight everywhere else except there and it drives me insane. I get my cardio up in the summer by riding my bike two and from work (about ten miles altogether) and just about everywhere else I need to go. I could hit a gym but I always feel self conscious there. Alright, enough of feeling sorry for myself. 

I’ve decided to give poetry another spin. I haven’t written anything in a very long time and won’t post here until I feel confident again. But I’m happy to start trying again. *sigh* Enough.

Leigha.