A Letter To A Protective Friend
My Dear Friend,
I would just like you to know that I can’t stand seeing you hurt all the time. I mean, I never SEE it, but I know it. I don’t like seeing you so lonely and betrayed and just…down. I hate it. But I see it every time we talk. Every time we facebook. Every time you’re near me. You hurt so much, don’t you? I would like it if you let me try to help you sometimes. You seem to just want to keep to yourself, right? Well, stop. It’s not going to get any better without talking to SOMEONE about it. I know that it sucks having so many negative things happen all at once, trust me, but you have to see the brighter side of things. I care about you, and I don’t want to see you hurting so much.
There is something I really must get off my chest, as well, my friend. I hate it when you say that I can come to you with anything. That I can talk to you about anything, any time. That’s a lie. I know that you’re one of my best friends, and you have been for about 3 years now, but every time I need you you aren’t there. I just wish for a second that you could see how much you’re hurting me. I haven’t seen you in almost 2 years now. You tell me all the time that you miss me, and that you miss talking to me, but somehow I feel like that’s a lie. No matter how much time has passed now, you don’t try to talk to me, or see me, or even IM me. To me it seems like you don’t care sometimes. Every time you tell me that you’re going to call me or skype me or whatever, you never do. I don’t even remember completely what you sound like because it’s been so so long since we’ve talked. Every time you don’t do something you say you’re going to do, you let me down a little bit more. I wonder how long it will be now until I give up completely. I know that we tell each other everything, but still I feel alone. Like you don’t care. If you really cared at all about this friendship wouldn’t you atleast try to talk to me? Even if it was for 2-3 minutes, it’s better than not talking to you at all. I MISS YOU SO FUCKING MUCH SOMETIMES. I don’t think you’ll ever realize how important this friendship is to me. I tried to bring this all up passive-aggressively the other day, but you didn’t really take notice. Every time I try to say anything about you not caring you just say "that’s bullshit" and then continue on with whatever else you were saying. You ignore it. You used to be my point of safety, my point of calm, but now I can’t let myself need you like that. If you’re always gone, then how can I let myself need you?
I think, sometimes, that you really just don’t see any of this, and that you’re oblivious. And at lower moments, I think you’re too wrapped up in your own mind to give a shit what goes on in mine. Some friend. I blame us not talking on your ego, and I convince myself that you care, but you just can’t see how much I need you. I hope that if you read this it’s at least a little bit eye-opening. Just a little bit. I just want you to look into my heart for a second and realize how important you are to me. You have no idea how much I need you. Do you? I hope not. Because if you see it, then you just don’t care. I get that you have your own problems, but I listen to every single one. I don’t really tell you what’s going on anymore, but you haven’t really seemed to notice.
I don’t want to come across as needy, clingy, or attention-seeking. I just want you to know that I really do care about you, and that sometimes I’d like it if you cared a little bit too. I’m so sick of trying to be close to you, and being let down. Also, I’m not being mean, angry, or bitchy. I’m telling you what’s been going on in my mind to the best of my ability. And just so you know, this didn’t form from us not talking tonight, I can handle that. It has been sitting for a while now, waiting to come out.
I love you. From the bottom of my heart, and with all of my soul. I love you. There was a point in time where you were the only person I wanted to be with. I tried to make it obvious for you, but you just brushed that off too. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to get with you, I’m already spoken for. I’m just telling you all the things that are on my mind. If the person I’m with no longer existed, I’d still like you. A lot. You seem to over look me, even on a friend-to-friend level. You are simply one of my best friends. Don’t you ever forget that. Oh, and I wasn’t kidding when I told you I wanted to steal you affection until you found someone better. I hope you do find someone better, maybe you’ll notice them/
Sometimes I feel like you think you’re better than me. NEWS FLASH, BOY! You’re on the same level as me. Neither of us is higher or lower. Sometimes I get so angry with you because I feel like you are so far up your own ego that you can’t take two seconds to look down at my ego-less self.
Have you given any of this any thought as long as we’ve been friends? I doubt it.. I bet you’re oblivious. By the way, look back at both "Dear You"S for a second, I have something to tell you. You were the person who had two numbers. You were numbers 13 AND 15. Go read them, most of the information still stands true. If you have time, that is.
Don’t get me wrong, Friend, I’m not trying to hurt this friendship. In fact, it won’t bother me if nothing changes. I just thought you might like to know.
That’s all for now, frie
nd.
Sleep well tonight, You deserve it.
Love always,
Emilie.
And to my readers: I will be posting an update within the next couple nights.
I love you, readers.
~♥EmieLove♥~