Aggravation, Defeat, and Failure.

 My Dearest Readers,

Sometimes I just feel like I can’t do anything right, you know?

Well, Today started out like this:

So, I didn’t sleep more than about two hours last night. I slept through first period, Spanish. I tried to stay awake, but I just couldn’t. Then came English. I drew a bunny. I’m really excited about this bunny, just because I’ve never drawn one that’s come out looking the way I want it to. Of course no one else cares about this bunny because it’s just a little sketch, but still I show it off. Then comes computer math. We had a Just Basic loops quiz. If I had seen our program from Friday, I would have been able to do it, but I didn’t. This program frustrated me for the entire 45 minutes of that class. I just couldn’t do it. I’m not bragging, but I’m usually one of the top three in that class. I just couldn’t remember how to do it. I felt so defeated. I just… I don’t know. 

You know when you’re perfect at something and then when you try to show someone you just can’t do it? It feels like that. 

So I walked into lunch almost in tears and I just couldn’t make it stop.  I tried so hard to block it out, but I just…couldn’t. It made me feel so..just defeated. I didn’t know how to handle it. It was like a brain fart from hell. It irritated me so much. I just felt so…bad. 

Lunch ends and my friend Neff was in the hall way, I haven’t seen him in a while so I walked up, hugged him, and said "You have no idea how happy I am to see you." And walked on to my locker. He joked by saying something like "Oh, you’re just gonna walk away?!" and I said that I was going to my locker. When I was at my locker I was in tears, I just couldn’t take it. I calmed down after just a few seconds and I walked back over to him. I had to go on to channel one, but I saw him one more time before he left.  After that was government, we had to do this stupid study guide, and I couldn’t remember half of it, which made me feel worse, but I hid it. Chemistry came next, that was okay, I was numb by then. Then came Art IV….I couldn’t get my colors right, which again, made me feel so much worse. and then it was Digital Photography, I was fine because I knew what we were going over and no one else did. [[I took this class last year, but I had the wrong teacher and didn’t learn anything so I took it again this year.]] I was telling my teacher about it and she said "He stole my lesson!" It was so funny. 

I was good after that because I went home, but it was still rough. I just, I haven’t gotten over it yet. I’m pretty sure I’ve never suffered through this much defeat in one day. 

And then I was trying to draw something to a lyric, specifically wrists with chains on them. ["When I have kids, I won’t put any chains on their wrists, I won’t"]. It’s for this little project that I’m working on, but no matter how hard I try I just can’t get it right. I can’t draw anything else either, I’ve tried that too, I just feel so utterly and completely defeated. 

Sorry I just, needed to rant I guess. I’ll consider posting a real update in a little while, I guess.

I love you, Readers!!

For now, 
~♥EmieLove♥~

P.S. Bullet and Lullaby wanted to be mentioned….So HEY! 😀