I Wish I Could Just Say “Fuck You All” And Sleep

My dearest readers,

I have been home for the first time since Friday morning. I’ve been here for about 20 minutes now, and I just want to get the fuck out.

Already I’ve had to deal with my brother being a douche towards my boyfriend who is on the opposite side of the country.

My mom yelling at me for getting so defensive about him.

Having my notebooks get rain-soaked again.

Having my grandmother say "It must be Emilie" Because I was walking around groaning.

My mom is ignoring me.

She’s taking my sister to the doctor right now.

My sister wrote suck it on the bathroom mirror specifically for me to read.

My bed is all out of place and my blankets are everywhere. I have to fix them for the millionth time because her fiancée always messes it up.

My mom pays more attention to my sister’s fat little Chihuahua then she does me.

No one tells me anything anymore.

I try my HARDEST to be around everyone, but it’s just so fucking hard.

I feel like I’m drowning in anger.

I want to take off running. I want to keep running until I collapse from exhaustion. Keep running until I hit the ground with no strength left to get back up again. I want to lay there. Not moving. And embrace the pain. The breathlessness. I want to run out every ounce of energy and strength that I have, and stop wherever I pass out.

It’s pouring, I can’t leave.

I want to scream until my lungs give out. Until my throat bleeds. Until I taste blood. I just want to scream and scream and scream. Until I am breathless and bleeding. Until this doesn’t hurt anymore. Until I really am alone. Until I can do what I really want to do and leave them all behind. I just want to scream. 

I guess that’s my insanity coming out to play, huh? Oh well.

So I sit here, desperate to get out, unmoving. I sit here and fume, fuss and wallow in misery. I’m not going anywhere…I’m going to stay here and conform to their every will..like all good little girls should.

I’ll remain ignored, helpless, and hurt for as long as I possibly can. But not for my sake, oh no, I don’t want to be like this at all.

But it’s clear that that is all they want from me.

This post is selfish. So very selfish. It’s all about me. My pain. My views on things around here.

I just want…

I just want to get out.

Please for the love of all that is good and holy…Get me out of this hell hole. Or at

least make it bearable. I can’t do this alone anymore.

-end rant-

Thank you for reading
I love you, readers, with all of my heart.
~♥EmieLove♥~