Warning: maudlin and grumpy

I wonder if the girls know how much I miss them. 

My high school girls, who I spent every waking moment with and shared virtually every aspect of my life with.  My band geeks, my drama jocks, my choir groupies – I am so completely alone without all of you and it breaks my heart daily, constantly, completely.

My college girls, Amber, Becca, and Lauren – I miss you three so much more than I think you will ever know – I am almost certain that you feel that I have forgotten about you, which is the absolute farthest thing from the truth.  I want nothing more than to be able to rewind to the days of Sellery, 9A, and just LIVE forever there, in our late night food runs, videotaping our goofiness, and being complete dorks – I felt so alive with you three, so accepted, so safe, so beautiful.

And now I am without any of you.  I HAVE NO ONE.  Just as man cannot live by bread alone, I cannot live by boyfriend alone.  He is my best friend, but all of you with a significant other know that special, “other” definition of best friend that only applies to a boyfriend or girlfriend.  I need my girls, I need chick flick nights and group workouts, late night walks and talks, “solo” parties and drunken revelry.

God, I feel so old.  Old and alone and completely disgusting.  Hopeless and worthless and useless and totally insignificant.  I am so jealous of all the new friends that have been made – for I have none.

I hate being at this point in my life.