Maybe this is a cry for help, I do not know…
When did I lose my spine? When did I start to feel that I could not speak up, that my opinion did not matter because I was always wrong?
Why is it so hard for me to just walk up to her and tell her to shut up? Tell her to shut up because she has no idea what she is talking at me about and she does not know what it feels like? Tell her to shut up because she constantly hurts my feelings and does not see her hypocrisy?
I need to start over. I need to start over with people who I have not disappointed, let down, or hurt. I need to start over and never make promises again.
If I can simply survive the next few weeks, perhaps things will be okay.
Perhaps the new medication will help. Perhaps the definitive change of seasons will help. Perhaps family holidays and high school friends coming home from college will help.
Or perhaps not. I am so fucked and I know it. I KNOW IT.
I think I will just ponder Albert’s eternal thought:
“The only real question in life is whether or not to kill yourself.”
Seriously, why am I here? This is pointless.
You always seem to find a way to speak to me when you think you’re right. And no one can give the answers you seek because we arent you. Starting fresh doesn’t always mean “happy, fun, exciting” life. The key would be changing the way you approach problems or situations… and until you can do that, nothing will change. You’re confused, and I think everyone can appreciate…
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that feeling to some degree. I could ramble on about points about life but I’ll stop because they won’t pertain. Each person has their own set and I guess things won’t get better until you know them, no matter how much you change your surroundings. Eh, I’m done.. its late…
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