10/17/02
God, I wish you had some FUCKING emotion about this. It makes it hurt THAT MUCH WORSE that you don’t.
And I feel like this pathetic person because I’m still healing and you appear to be whole again. I don’t know if you really are, chances are you’re not. But how am I supposed to know that?
I feel pathetic because tonight, after I come home from my midterm, after I do my hour or two of homework, I am going to lay on the futon and watch T.V. for the rest of the night. Because THAT is how I heal – by allowing myself to slow down and get my brain working and thinking by watching mindless Thursday night entertainment. Should I feel bad about that? That I’m not out being some upstanding citizen, not out pursuing my education EVERY MOMENT OF THE DAY? I shouldn’t feel bad, but I do. I feel as though YOU are handling this “correctly” and I am doing it all wrong.
I want that feeling to GO AWAY. I know it will take time. I now that. I just had to get out some of this emotion. I just had to vent…
Fuck this all.
You know what Jenni, why don’t you stop looking at everyone else and do what YOU need to do. Stop comparing yourself to everyone else. Stop looking at him and see hows he is taking it… because you know what, we are ALL DIFFERENT. He has taken the time and found some peace.. and I hope you do the same.. no matter how long it takes. Just do what you gotta do. Ben
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i agree with ben (weird) but yeah, you’re you not him… you’re such a great girl, girl, please don’t get upset cuz you’re handling it your way… trust me, i sit around like that all the time, and i don’t have anything wrong (well, of course i do, but we won’t go there) you know? i’m just a lazy motherbeeper, and you’re so smart and ambitious. don’t worry if you slow down a little in times of …
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…crisis… that’s ok, most ppl do, maybe he’s just weird and YOU’RE normal. 🙂 do what you need to do.
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