7/28/02

Sunny rain is incredibly ironic. So is heat lightning.

Last night was a bad Paxil night. My exhuastion didn’t help either. I worked a 13 hour day, and by the end (the last few hours), we were down to 11 people, one being Jon and the other being Glenn. We enjoyed ourselves (Mitch, Ben, and I), but it was really hard work. I came home at 8:15, removed the disgusting shoes, showered, and was at Mitch’s before 9 to hang around with his parents and his aunt and uncle (who are incredibly cool and really funny). Corky “kissed” me, which was pretty gross, but at that point, I didn’t care all that much. I ate my dinner there (cereal), then at about 10, we went to Issy’s. There was a fairly random mix of people there. I slept for a little bit on the picnic table outside. Just before that, I’d started to get very muddled and I knew I needed to be alone for a bit and figure things out before I snapped at someone. Then I joined the group in the loft, followed by a walk/talk with Mitch in the park. There was a short but intense rain/thunderstorm just as we were getting back, so we went back into the loft and both of us nearly fell asleep. We ended up leaving at one, instead of spending the night. It was a smart choice – I know I got a good night of sleep in preparation for a long and busy week.

I don’t want to take my Paxil again tonight, but I will. I know it will help, despite the occasional bad night. And it hasn’t even been two weeks yet, so perhaps it’s yet to actually take hold of my system. Who knows?

Ten more hours of freedom today before I have to sleep. Dinner is at 5:30. I need to buy food for lunch. I need to shower. I need to get rid of this corn rash.

I need a lot of things.

But most of all, I just need to get better…